Get These Shackles Off My Feet So I Can Dance…
Y’all are stinkin‘ hilarious!
Literally.
I felt it necessary to interject here and say I don’t believe any of us chooses not to bathe out of willful neglect. (This is where you’ll want to scroll to the previous post if you have no clue what I’m talking about.) Will you agree that there are those windows of opportunity that present themselves and if you find yourself missing them, well then you’re just out of luck for a few hours?
For example, I normally get up by 6:30 every morning. I read my devotion/bible study (currently Power of a Praying Woman) and then go for a run/walk around 7:30. Luke likes to be at the church by 8:30-9:00 so I do my thing at the park and get home in time for him to leave. My goal is to be showered by 10 am. But, what if the kids get up about this time and want breakfast? And then the phone rings? And then I need to throw in a load of laundry right before the phone rings again? And then I have to get my morning bloggin‘ in?
Before ya know it, it’s noon. Am I talking to anybody?
So I could solve this by getting up earlier but the thing is – I don’t want to.
So there.
All of that to say I used to be a crazy schedule girl. When my first two kids were babies/preschoolers I would, hand to my heart, WAKE THEM UP if they weren’t out of the bed and having breakfast by 8:30 a.m. because it would throw our whole morning routine for them to sleep late. I remember my mother telling me, “You are NUTS! I never woke any of you girls up until you were in school.” And I thought to myself, “Tisk, Tisk, Mom. No advice needed. I’ve got this mommy thing under control.”
Control being the key word.
(And by the way, mom. You were right. I was insane. I’m making up for it now though by letting them sleep ’til noon.)
Back in the day I had two charts on my refrigerator. One with all my daily cleaning responsibilities and one with my hourly ones. HOURLY, people. And do you know what?
I was driving myself nuts.
If my schedule fell apart, I fell apart. I didn’t leave the house unless the beds were made which meant I rarely left. And heaven help if a friend wanted me to go somewhere during a nap time. “No, thank you. We mustn’t disrupt the little darlings’ sleep.” And though I thought I was controlling their little lives, it really turned out they were controlling mine. I’m telling you girls, their little psyches soak that up. If it’s been established from day one they are kings and queens of mommy and daddy’s universe, when do you think the cut off day for that attitude will be? The answer? There won’t be one without much wailing and gnashing of teeth from both sides. One of the best pieces of parenting advice I ever received was to make sure our children knew they were a wonderful addition to our world but they were not its axis.
(Am I freaking y’all out yet?)
Obviously, I got over it. I realized my children would still be well-adjusted if he/she missed a nap from time to time. I learned it was worth the trouble to teach them to sit at a restaurant dinner table so we could go out with friends. And, I’ll tell you like I tell Luke, cleaning house from daylight to dark is just not fun. I’d much rather take the kids to McDonald’s or have lunch with a girlfriend than scrub baseboards. I’d rather get in my morning devotions than a morning shower. I’d rather be a happy wife and mom whose carpet hasn’t been vacuumed than an a screaming meemie who can’t bear for the kids to drag out their train set in the living room floor.
And I realize I may have just stepped in to a hot mess. Hear me well, my friends. If living by a schedule is something that works for your family, I’m not hating on your precious self. I’m not saying I don’t love my kids or cater to them whenever its appropriate (and sometimes when it isn’t) because of course, I do. I’m not saying it doesn’t feel great to be showered early with the house straightened. I do strive to make an inviting home for my family but if they have to choose between nice home or nice mom – they pick the latter. My point here is that we should each do what makes us truly happy. If structure floats your boat, own it and sail that bad boy! What I do know is that there are a lot of women out there who pressure themselves to appear together and they are miserable doing it. I can say this because I was one of them. From experience I can tell you that kind of girl really just wants to know your car has chicken nuggets under the seats and your bathroom needs cleaning. There is much ministry in truth-telling.
As evidenced by the amazing number of you who outed yourselves about not bathing regularly.
So, go. Have fun today doing whatever it is that makes you happy. And if you do that thing in yoga pants and a ball cap?
Well that’s all the better.
As I’m doing my nightly blog reading (I also do morning blog reading and sometimes middle of the day blog reading) I read this post and thought…sounds like we might be cut from the same clothe. Your schedule philosophy and parenting attitudes so closely match mine! Sometimes I have to keep my to-do list in check or it will push me over the edge! Thanks for putting my life into words!
I am absolutely not a scheduler. I do like the beds made and the bathrooms wiped down everyday – but I have big kids. It takes all of us 2.3 seconds to accomplish that.
I just think better if I am up and ready for my day. Even in the summer time!
I will say I never woke a sleeping baby, and we did things even if it was going to interfere with naps. But I had friends who wouldn’t! My kids learned how to sleep on the go!
We really try to not let the kids dictate our life. Even now that they are big and have their own social calendar, we try to keep it reigned in so it doesn’t interrupt the function of our family.
Now instead of scheduling their nap time I just schedule mine. :)
Scheduling, no not me. My thing is this, I do like a clean home but if you saw my closet you would think I was the exact opposite. Last week I spring cleaned my home and it was tiring but I like that my home smelled clean. This week I am tired of cleaning and don’t care to do any of it and I haven’t cleaned for 2 days, the home that is, heehee… I clean the home on Thursday or Friday for the weekend and don’t touch it again until Monday. We can wreck a home quicker than anyone , especially on Sunday afternoon and that is okay with me. I don’t freak out like I used to. Ladies, once you hit your 40’s you really change in the way you think about things. If I have a right mind to, I will go to the store in jammies. I don’t care what people think. When my sons were younger we played, cleaning was not top priority. They grow up to fast, trust me, my youngest will be 18 next week. Hold them, play with them, they would much rather have memories of that than how clean mommy kept the house.
I so did the scheduling thing for A LONG time. And then I most likely missed a day and realized the joy that could be found in, gulp, going with the flow a little bit.
My very favorite days are the days of no schedules and no expectations.
Preach it.
I just went back and read your post and the replies from yesterday! So funny! Since I’m a SAHM to a little one who will be 2 next Thursday and almost 27 weeks pregnant there are many days that I don’t shower until 2 or 3ish during nap time. I often get stuck in the ‘my house must be clean at all times’ mentality but it rarely ever is. It’s a dream that I wish I would just get over! It really can make you miserable to appear ‘together’ all the time. I struggle with this.. I guess because I am home and a pastor’s wife. Thanks for being honest.
“Ministry in truth-telling”….
That’s the best and most freeing thing I’ve heard in a long time. Why do we kill ourselves to present the perfect image to people who could probably care less anyway? I’m all for structure and clean houses and a perfectly groomed mama, but like you said, I’ll take the HAPPY mama anyday over all that other stuff.
Very well said!
Lisa, very well said.
I am not a schedule person, but more of a list person, there is this sense of proudness in checking something off a list. :)
But I did thouroughly enjoy the last 2 posts!
I am glad you let those crazy schedules go! If you didn’t, then you wouldn’t have time to keep up this FUN blog. And that just wouldn’t do, I tell ya. Inspiration cannot be scheduled!
I’m just catching up on the last few posts. Sure we have a schedule – and it changes every day.
Hhhmmmm daily showers – what a treat. Mine often happen later in day or rinse off before bed depending on the current schedule. Doesn’t always fit in the morning rush! And if I skip a day – no one knows but me.
Oh yes I am an ex-scheduler. Too bad I never knew to schedule fun, time for breakdowns, and time to do nothing but whatever came to mind in my daily routine.
For me, it’s just not worth the stress and headache anymore to be like that. Whatever schedule I currently have is what I need to do for the day- which now, is always flexible. lol
This is a great post! Yes, we must make sure our children are not our world’s axis. I never really WAS a schedule person, but I have refused to have friends over because I haven’t cleaned up to my specs yet…then I realized that the best friends are those who simply love you just because you ARE…laundry, dirty dishes,and all. And the others, well…they really aren’t anything but gawkers as far as I’m concerned.
I know for the first part of our ministry we lived in a parsonage and this made it worse on me. Now that I’m in my own home…it’s mine and my schedule runs minute by minute and whim by whim.
Hugs,
Susan
I’m definitely a to-do list person, but how liberating it is to break away from the list every once in a while and have no plans! It doesn’t happen often, but I’d sure like it to.
And I don’t have kids yet, but I don’t have much time for cleaning, so my house stays in shambles from just the two of us. I can’t imagine what it will look like when we throw kids in the mix!
Ok. This is a favorite topic of discussion for me. Not because I am a “scheduler” or a former “scheduler”. I have always been a scheduler wanna be. I thought it was some great goal to attain to. But,life in a ministry home just doesnt facilitate a TON of rigidity and sceduling. Especially with little ones. We have to be (in the words of elastigirl)…more “flexible”So, I say that as the long way of saying I agree with you. Everyone has their own ways of doing things and we have to, have to, just HAVE TO release each other to do things their way ball cap or perfectly coifed do. And Jesus is the best example to me of alife lived on purpose and with relationships as main priority and not built on a “schedule” per se’. As much as we can be organized, thats great. But, I – like you- cant do highly structured mom and nice at same time so nice is the way to go…you preach it! I high five you! lol
Good insight! A balanced life!
First time commenter here. I just had to say that I love coming here!! I love how real you are. The day you posted about showering I had just that morning thought how much I can’t stand having to get ready. If I could take a shower and go, I would gladly shower every day…it is the “primping” that kills my desire to shower. And, my first child was on a very strict schedule. Now with number three, I am just happy to have him in bed before 9:30.
AMEN honey! I am a suedo schedule (more of a list maker really) but I started from day one putting the kiddos on our schedle and not vice versa. Our lives flow- sometimes in chaos and sometimes in harmony (cough cough) but I am learning to savor every day with them- now 3 and 5. They get too big too quick to spend all of your time having the “perfect” house or “perfect” life. As a matter of fact..it is almost 10 and I STILL HAVEN”T SHOWERED! Many blessing to you and yours this fun summer day~
Jenny
Amen Sister! Preach on!
I do hope Hubby is reading today:) lol!!!!!! Hopefully he’ll feel better about me:)
Ok..1st of all…thank you for being my techie friend and getting me all updated and stuff…who knew I was “old!”
And..girl…it is SUMMER…ditch the schedule…you’ll be ok.
Its hard for me too. But, its fun to be wild ya know! :)
Love,
Fran
My kids and I have always had an understanding, I won’t wake you up if you don’t wake me up. I can hear them in the mornings whispering and trying not to make noise because they know that if they wake mom up before she is ready she will make them clean. They just got out of school for the summer and we have a new plan we are working on. I set the timer for them to clean house for an hour. If I catch them playing games or fighting I add 5 more minutes to their cleaning time. That way, we do get some housework done but it doesn’t consume our day. What doesn’t get done today will be put on tomorrow’s list. I also put them in charge of their own destiny. They can cooperate and clean for an hour or do like they did yesterday and argue themselves into having to clean for 2 hours. Oh, and the three of them get punished for the sins of one. If I have to add 5 min. they ALL get the extra time. I told them it was a lesson in accountability. :) If they argue with me about it…..yeah, another 5.
I blog around my at home time… Thank you for this post…
I love reading what you have to say…
Connie
GBU
Those are some good words of wisdom! It’s all about balance for me. I loved what you said about ministry in truth telling! Girl, I couldn’t agree more!!! We need to keep it real and that will be a blessing and encouragement to someone else.
Don’t you think balance is the key here? And most likely, that balance point is going to be in different places for different people.
I’m both a planner and a spontaneous person. (Yes, I’m seeking help.) So for me, freedom looks like this: Every Monday, I clean my whole house and do my laundry. As much as possible, I plan nothing else to happen that day.
Then, the rest of the week, I feel free to be spontaneous and not worry about a schedule.
Balance. Balance. Balance.
And…priorities. Priorities. Priorities.
Some days it’s funk til four…other days it’s up and showered by, oh, say 10 ;)
We homeschool and every year I make a schedule, as in hourly for each person. Ususally by the end of the first week we are back to flyin’ by the seat of our collective pants! BUT, at least I have a framework, and I need that.
I’ve tried to go by schedules…It doesn’t work for me!
I’m a single mom and I work full time and my only time for serious housework is the weekend. This past one was a long 3 day holiday weekend and I was looking forward to getting some serious cleaning done. Then on Friday, God surprised me with an urgent Bible study journey. He kept me tied to that desk all weekend. I started feeling guilty about my house that looked awful and he reminded me of Martha & Mary and He told me I needed to stay at His feet. It was difficult for me to do without feeling guilty, but I did it, and my house is still a wreck!
Blessings
Michelle
Never been a scheduler a day in my life, and I have to tell you my heart nearly skipped a beat when you confessed to WAKING YOUR CHILDREN UP–are you serious? I always let sleeping dogs, er, babies, lie…
But like you said, as did the comments above, it’s about balance. Seeking the will of the Lord FOR YOU. Refusing to heed the condemnation of the enemy for being a scheduler. Or not being a scheduler. I think it’s also about perspective–may we fix our eyes on what’s eternal!
Thanks for keeping it real…
i’m pregnant with my 2nd little one and for some reason, this time around, the pre-natals have done wonders for my oil glands…in that i don’t produce much oil at all. i have taken FULL advantage of this and only shower when my hair actually looks greasy. (i should’ve put this comment under the last post, but oh well.) about THIS post: AMEN SISTER!! loved it.
I meant to leave this comment yesterday. When my mom was working, her big treat on Saturday was NOT to take a shower. It was the running joke. “Mom, are you going to shower?”…”It’s Saturday.” Then she retired, and we joke that now she only showers on Saturday….
I am still trying to get over the fact your children sleep in. Mine have always been early risers. *sigh*
I was structured when they were little, then somewhat laid back when they started school.I still need my morning (in this order) beds made, coffee, exercise and shower.
Now my boys are all teens and structure is back in our lives, but it came naturally with their; school, work, church, and extra activities. It seems as though we are always running by a clock.
Enjoy the fun! Time goes by oh so quickly!
I never had to wake up my babies…especially #1. If he slept past 6:30 or 7:00 a.m. I knew he was sick. All the way up until he went to Kindergarten we’d be up and back from the grocery store by 8:30 a.m.!!
I did try to protect naps and have regular mealtimes. It wasn’t worth the meltdowns. But I certainly don’t schedule everything else in my life. Oh, I try to clean the bathroom every month or two whether it needs it or not! LOL
And I HAVE to make the bed promptly. The kids are responsible for theirs, but I can’t stand for ours to be unmade!!
So Lisa, now that we’re into Confessing All, when are you going to post about wallets vs. change in the bottom of the purse?! :-)
Love ya!!
I am so with you in truth telling! One of my passions as a Christian and parent is to use my mistakes and experiences and shortcomings to minister. I think everyone who reads my blog knows I am far from perfect from a posts first paragraph, yet writing is a ministry. I’m not saying that I’m a slob or I sin on purpose. LOL, but just that there is power in authenticity.
Schedules are nice! So is sleep. I have neither!
Ok..first of all….schedule shmedule!
Who needs one?
I have 3 teens…and when they were little, if I put clothes on them..they would look up at me and say…”mama, where are we’s goin?”.
So….come on. Why mess up a totally relaxed , easy-come , easy-go lifestyle?
We did do the important stuff…naps, meals, play, and go! I loved it and my family is tight! We still do almost everything together (cause we like too).
Oh…and showers….those come when “we’s” have to go somewhere!
Wanda
I just smiled when I read your post! I am a mom that likes to have it all together, but I have learned over time that it is not always possible, and I agree that my family would rather have a nice mom instead of a nice home! Thanks for making reality okay!
I just have to laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. I had four children in 4 1/2 years and the first spent 10 weeks in NICU (which meant I spent 10 weeks there). Any hopes of being a put-together mom flew out the window before I even brought my first child home from the hospital.
I bathe far more regularly (and thoroughly) now as a working mom with limited time than I did as a SAHM with all day at my disposal.
I didn’t even get dressed half the time – why would I when I had no where to go? =)
I wish you were my neighbor. Thanks for being real girl.
I’m in total agreement… I’m still a mother of YOUNG babies (talking about a 3 year old and 1 year old) so showers sometimes have to wait until Daddy gets home. When they nap, I find myself cleaning or blogging or falling into an exhausted heap on my own bed.
Also, I wear my jammies all day almost every day. I’ll even change into CLEAN jammies if I shower or feel the need. Yeah, pathetic, I know! My kids are perfectly groomed and I’m a greasy, stinky mess. LOL!
Now that I think about it, I probably need to take more time for myself to get ready every day. I want to be a good example to my babies.
I have a magnet on my fridge that reads “Both of us can’t look good, it’s either me or the house.”
I’ve never been a very strict housekeeper. But, I like things clean especially my kitchen – can’t stand to cook in a dirty kitchen.
But, my boy is seven and is growing up fast. I would rather spend time with him having fun right now. When he is too big to hang out with Mom – then I’ll clean.
Blessings!
Speak it sister! Awesome post!!
You impress me with getting up at 6:30 every day! WOW! I want to be like you!
My friend and I were just talking on the phone THIS MORNING about her to do lists, having everything done and planned way in advance and she said… I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE THAT! I want to be relaxed and enjoy life.
SO… I forwarded this blog post to her. cool how God brings these things in perfect timing!
It has been perfect timing for sure! Both of the last two posts have been!
I used to long to be a “scheduler” because it worked SO well for my friends, but when I tried it, I got too consumed by it. I would get very aggitated if things didn’t go “as planned!” SO…..I through the thing out the window. Now I just pencil things in a small calendar that fits in my purse. Cause if I don’t do that at least, then I will TOTALLY forget about whatever it is that I HAVE to do. Other than that, the days are free to be however they fall!
Just to let you know, I gave you an award today! Come pick it up when you have a chance!
Angela
LOL! This topic is hysterical! I can say that because I just took a shower for the first time since Wednesday morning…I’m also lucky that I can wait up to 5 or 6 days to wash my hair. It actually gets drier rather than oilier! Usually I do try to shower daily but kids and homeschooling just get in the way! ;)
I lost my comment so I’ll try to redo.
Wow that is so like me if I could have scheduled potty breaks I would have. Thank you Jesus I have mellowed out.
Thanks Lisa for being so real, I truly enjoy you posts.
Be Blessed,
Lynn
Lisa,
I needed that! This is exactly where I have found myself tonight. (See my blogpost at http://insertgracehere.wordpress.com/)
NOW,I soooo want THESE SHACKLES OFF MY FEET SO I CAN DANCE, TOO! :)
Thanks a million!
Rena Gunther
Well, where am I in this scheduling thing. I am somewhere in the middle. I am a list maker but I am learning to just let things go sometimes. I used to be real uptight if things didn’t go as planned but through the work of the Holy Spirit and my hubby I am learning to relax and I’ve found that the things I obsessed about gets done anyway. So I make a long list pf what I’d like to do for my day and whatever gets done gets done, whatever doesn’t doesn’t and sometimes some things are abandoned. To answer your question you posted on the comments on my blog I would love to be added to the married to the ministry blogroll. Have a blessed weekend.
Jenn
I enojoyed finding your blog and will have to be back.
I have always been an organizer and planner. I have never had hourly lists but I do have lists. I have had to learn (and still a work in progress) that I do better with schedules but I need to let things go. I am much more flexible then before but still working on it as well.
Lisa,
As I read this, I thought you were writing in first person about me. Isn’t interesting how identical two different people can be? I home school, so that type of schedule of not getting to shower until after lunch is a daily deal for me. Schedules are still made, but I’ve had to let go of it as well. I had to stop falling apart when things did not happen as I planned. I had to let go of the control as you mentioned. Oh how I appreciate your transparency. Thanks for sharing this and helping so many get the shackles off!
Blessings in Christ–
Preach it, Siesta! :)
Sherry
I love spending the day in my sweats and a nike hat, because I know the next day (or the next,ha) when I do actually shower and fix myself up a little…I look in that mirror and say “wow, there is a some cuteness under that grime” ; ) love the post!