Welcome to the Hotel Alabama…It’s a lovely place…such a lovely place…
Hello bloggy friends o’ mine!
We are back from the District Baseball Tournament – for the time being anyway. Our record stands at 1-1 so we will be driving 1 1/2 hours each way every night next week until we are beat out. Have any of you baseball moms ever hoped your kids lost?
Yeah, ummm, me either.
Anyway, we spent the night in Tourney Town over the weekend because we had the late game Friday night and a noon game Saturday. I was all proud of myself because I found a decent room online at a great rate. Notice I didn’t say fancy – we just wanted clean.
I should preface what I’m about to say by telling you I’m not a picky or demanding girl. I don’t think I’ve ever sent a meal back. Not one to pitch a fit in long lines. Not one to insist on my own way.
Not one to toot my own horn?
Seriously, I’m only trying to get the point across that I’m not high-maintenance – in my own estimation anyway. (Luke McKay, if you are reading this you’d better keep it zipped or you will pay, hubby. You will pay.)
So, we pulled into the motel I had reserved. Let’s just say if there were ever a new HGTV series of Curb Appeal: Motel Edition – they’d totally qualify to be the first contestant. It looked NOTHING like the web pictures. Those photos were obviously taken the day after the contractors pulled out a few decades ago. Before Luke and I said a word Boy Two whined, “Awww, man. Are y’all making us stay in this dump?”
Even with that, I was willing to give the place a chance if it were just clean. That’s all we wanted – not too much to ask for, right? I went in the lobby and asked the owner to let me see the room before we agreed to rent it.
Oh, y’all.
Mr. Patel (really his name) led me through a breezeway to the room. We had to weave our way through a maze of old mop buckets, a rusted washer and dryer, and discarded flower pots to make it to the back part of the motel. He opened the door and grandly presented the room just like Vanna White showcasing a new car.
There warn’t no new car in there.
There were bugs. Big, fat, junebug–lookin‘ bugs.
Some were dead. Some were alive. Some of their broken carcasses littered the floor. The carpet had very obviously not been vacuumed in a great long time.
I knew there was no stinkin‘ way I was laying down in that room and I triple knew that my man wouldn’t sleep there so I gathered my nerve and said:
“I’m so sorry but there are bugs in this room and I don’t believe we’ll stay here.”
And with that, the Vanna-smile disappeared. Imagine telling some exotic, sword-carrying king that his only daughter – the apple of his eye – was indeed an ugly duckling. That was the look on Mr. Patel’s face. I’d insulted his pride and joy and he was not at all happy about it.
Wide-eyed and teeth bared, he yelled, “These just water bugs and no problem!”
I calmly explained that, yes, the bugs were a problem and again that we would not be staying. He then told me he was still going to bill me for the room.
Scary man with dirty motel say whaaat?
“Oh, no sir. I won’t be paying for a night here.”
“Yes, I bill you and you must leave my property right away. Right away!”
“Oh, no, you won’t and I am SO not leaving until you remove my credit card from your computer.”
And then I did what I always do when I’ve gotten in a mess far beyond my ability to manage.
“LUUUKKKE!”
And y’all his name was, like, the magic word. When Mr. P. saw me wave towards The Man in the Car, he totally freaked. Don’t think for a second I wouldn’t have scheduled Luke for a dust up on the playground if it would have gotten us out of paying for that room.
I’m shameless in playing the Hubby Card.
For any of you girls who think submission doesn’t work to our advantage? Maybe you just aren’t working it properly. Hang around awhile, my friends, we’ll get you straightened out in no time.
Guess how Mr. P responded to Luke’s buffness? “No, no. I promise I cancel your reservation. Just leave my property right now! Right AWAY!”
And so, we left. We found another hotel (the only vacancy in town) that cost us a stinkin‘ fortune.
And we slept like babies.
Bug free.
I think that beats my “Sleep Cheap” story! I was traveling with my parents when I was in college, and my dad hadn’t made reservations because he never did. We were in one of the ‘villes of Tennessee, and couldn’t find a hotel with a vacancy, and we were all exhausted, when Dad saw a motel named “Sleep Cheap” with a vacancy sign. Mom did the same as you, asked to see a room. But when the first one was dirty, they showed us another one, and Mom said it was acceptable. She didn’t see the giant roach climbing the wall behind her or my Dad glaring at me to keep my mouth shut. The water from the faucet had black flecks in it, the pillows were some kind of apholstered cushion in a pillowcase, and (I’m not making this up) there was a bowl of soaps by the sink from OTHER HOTELS! It’s funny now. 20 years later.
You should send the guy some bug killer. I’m getting the creepy crawly feeling now. Can’t believe I read this right before bed!
We stayed at a dive motel in a small town in Upper Wisconsin. A spider FELL ON ME while I was sitting in the chair trying to find another room in town. There were none to be had. I didn’t even undress and I hardly slept. I wouldn’t shower either. Then next night we drove forever in horrible rain and paid 150.00 for a room, but it was divine! I am not a fan of hotels or motels anymore. Home sweet home. :)
No way!
I’m all itchy now just thinking about bugs… (cue big shiver!)
Glad you found a nice place to stay,
I’m gonna go have a shower now!
:0) X
“Just water bugs – no problem!”
OMW.
ICK!
You should report this to the BBB.
Ewww!
I made a similar error many years ago. I found a cheap hotel for us and a group of friends on our way to camp in Yosemite. The hotel was dirty, dingy and gross — but the temp was 105 at the time, so all we cared about was AC! They forgave me later. I think.
Where I come from water bugs is a nice way to say COCKROACH!
Oh yeah! There’s a hotel in Batavia NY that my children will never forget! To say it was awful would be being nice! We didn’t get out of it though! I will remember your advice! Also I soooo agree about the submission thing! I’m one that is glad God instituted it!!!
Hi, Lisa! I started reading your blog two days ago, and I love your sense of humor!
I had an apartment once that, in my humble opinion, had roaches, although the office insisted they were merely “water bugs.”
It just makes me ever-so-grateful for the bug-free house God has given me! Thank you, Lord!
There is a new cell phone commercial (AT&T I think) that I saw this morning after reading about your traumatic experience. Seriously, this commercial is you!
As always I want to enlighten you to the ways of the world. The name
Patel in India is a very common name just like Smith is here in the US. Not to be anti-ethnic nor in any way politically in-corrent, BUT, remember in India, they feed and eat with the rats. So what are a few “water bugs”!
You should listen to the boys more. Cant pull the wool over youngens!!
I have no problem pulling the husband card!
Glad you all got out of their! Loved the story.
I’m traveling with you. No bugs in my room!!!
Yikes! Sounds like a scary place. I’m glad you were able to find another room.
You can’t put a price on sleeping bug-free!!!
And the hubby card? Yup, it is SO worth it. But really, if these guys only knew, it is much more scary to contend with crazy old me than my hubs. He is much more even keeled and, ahem, rational than I am sometimes!
Well, that sounds like a bad experience, but you sure made it sound funny the way you wrote about it!
Well, I must say this girlfriend wouldn’t have stayed in the hotel and Mr. Thang would have had to back down with that attitude. I am a single mom and I would have had to call on Jesus! It is good I am a little meaner than most of my friends, hehe
He saw your beautiful sweet self and thought he could take advantage of you, great call in using the hubby card!!!!
Should I pray your son’s team wins or loses? I am confused. LOL!!
Love,
Patty
Just think what kind of funk would be in your toe if you had stayed in that room. LOL.
YUCK!!
And thank you BTW b/c now I am itching like no bodies business!!
UGH!
Love ya
Kim
Yuck!
I always book online, and am a sucker for the “nice pictures” that are posted there…I’ve booked many an awful room because of this. Guess there’s a reason it was such a great deal, huh?
Thank God for our men that can bail us out of anything!
Aren’t you glad you weren’t wearing your church shirt?!
That is so grim.
I don’t trust descriptions. On our honeymoon we went to Massachusetts. Stayed in what was advertised as “quaint B&B with antiques”. It was clean, but it was “shabby B&B with tacky old furniture from someone’s attic”.
Hope y’all lose quickly! :-)
*SHUDDER* I would’ve rather slept in my car!
eeeew, I totally don’t blame you, girl! I wouldn’t have slept there either! Glad you got Luke after him!
Oh my…totally know what you are talking about. It’s one of those things that even if you only needed to sleep there for 6 hours, it totally WAS NOT worth it. Good luck in the games. My little brother (19 years younger than me-same parents) is in the same type of tournament here in Arkansas. I’ve been driving back and forth 45minutes for him.
Oh-My-Word! I’m sitting here wiping the tears from laughing so hard!
I kinda sorta did the same thing by renting a B & B online before our second trip to Alaska. I had rented one the first time we visited and it was great! However, this jewel was a different experience. A special requirement of each guest: to be a contortionist in order to use the very small restroom: one foot on the door to keep it closed (no lock). Not so bad until…. you need T. paper. Someone had cleverly mounted it over the tank directly behind you. What’s with that???
No bugs, though.
Hope your boy’s team wins??
Sherry
I am totally feeling your pain. Our tournament starts this weekend. Good thing on our end is it is only 30 minutes away. I know exactly what you mean by wanting them to lose yet you want them to win. Good luck!
I don’t ever trust those on line pictures anymore I look for a place last summer and when we got there it was not at all like the pictures so” Be Ware” ladies.
thank God for Luke :),marina
You did good…I play that hubby card a lot:)
That’s crazy, the same thing happened to us, only in Gulf Shores….the man told us they were, “love bugs!” We weren’t billed either:) Hubby got right with, “the man.” But we had to sleep in the car that night:) lol!!!! My first experience to be homeless! No room in the inn…anywhere!
Makes for a good laugh now!!
I would say, “good luck,” but you may not want that:) lo1!!!!!!! So I’ll say….HAVE FUN!!!!
lisa, haven’t read the blog in several days. Sorry, if i started a firestorm on your election day post. Do you have any stories where luke actually has to really set someone straight, now that would good reading.
J.
Oh, my! I’m a pretty low maintenance gal unless BUGS are involved!
Money well spent.