Shopping with a Side of Amnesia
So today I went to Chattanooga to make a LifeWay run (needed more No Other God books!) and since I was there, I planned on making a visit to the mother ship: Target. I had quite a list of things I needed to get for vacation and was just a TAD BIT EXCITED about going for the first time in a couple of months.
Yes, I said months. You can weep silently.
The only downside to my little escapade was the fact I had to take all four kids with me.
Never mind about weeping silently. You may wail out loud. I did.
I currently only have one pair of shorts to my name that have been bought in the past five years so I really hoped to find a couple of pairs for the beach. I put The Girl in the cart and breathed murderous threats to the boys about how they’d better stay right beside me while I looked in the clothing department.
Don’t even ask how that worked out for me.
Boy Number Three decided it would be great fun to climb underneath all the clothing racks. He also thought it was a scream to point out bras and panties to his brothers and snicker his little head off. It just went downhill from there.
The Boys were supposed to go to a ball team swim party that night so I told Boy Three as a consequence of acting like a moron, he absolutely would not go. “Oh, but if I’m a perfect angel the rest of the time will you take it back?” I told him yes knowing there was no way he’d ever pull it off. Then I wondered what in the world I was doing to myself? Have you ever punished your kids to your own detriment? Tonight was Girls’ Bible Study and his not going swimming meant I would have to deal with him whining the rest of the evening. I didn’t think about that until I had already spoken or I would have thought up some torture Luke would have to dish out. However, in order to preserve my credibility, I stood my ground.
Now Boy Three is known for trying his best to sweet talk himself out of trouble. Since he could tell I was resolved in not letting him swim, he resorted to Plan B while we were in the dressing room: Excessive Flattery. While I was trying on clothes, Rico Suave pulls this one:
“Wow, mom. How much weight did you lose? Cause it really shows. I mean, you look skinny. And I do mean skinny.”
Who trains these boys to know at such a young age how to get straight to the heart of a woman?
Anyway, you know I bought that line – NOT. But I have to admit it’s better than being told how large I am by a certain Girl.
Within fifteen minutes I was ready to leave the kids on the sidewalk with a ‘Free To Good Home’ sign around their neck. I abandoned my entire shopping list and only left with two cotton shirts off the clearance rack. (Which were black and gray even though I’d resolved to only buy color this spring. Representative of my mood, I suppose.)
So we go into the parking lot and guess what?
No Suburban.
I was absolutely certain of where I’d parked it. The kids and I walked row after row and I was thoroughly convinced someone had stolen my car. Just as I was about to cry, and man and wife pulled up to ask if they could help me and I told them,
“I just know I parked my car right there under that tree and it is gone! Someone has stolen my car!”
The man was so gracious and offered to drive the parking lot for me to see if he could find any clues. In the meantime, I kept walking all the while crunching numbers and realizing there was no way I would be able to replace the car with the insurance pay out. And then there was vacation. How were we going to go on vacation if the car was gone? I was in full-on panic mode.
And then I saw the Nice Man.
And he was pointing at a Suburban.
My Suburban.
That I had parked in an entirely different part of the parking lot than I remembered.
You know what’s so scary? I still have no recollection of parking in that particular space. So I’m thinking there are two options:
1. I’ve been Punk’d.
2. I’m suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the 4-Kid Trip to Target.
I vote for the latter.
Oh, I have so been there…and I only have 2 kids! Everytime I leave the grocery store I say I will never take them with me again…and yet, guess where I was last night after church?…yep, at the grocery store with 2 kids, again leaving saying it will NEVER happen again!
I know you weren’t laughing then, but oh my, Lisa, I have to be honest and tell you that I am so laughing right now! Only because I have SO done that and tried to play it off like I knew what I was doing the whole time. Bless your sweet heart for braving Target with 4 children.
I just said a prayer for you. And your vacation that I hope you have a BLAST on!
Linds
Oh, I’ve done that, just not with 4 kids in tow! Our trick on our Disney trip (since all those parking lots look the same) was to take a picture of the sign and row each day, just in case we couldn’t remember!
Oh, and sweetie I make an ANNUAL trek to Target since that is the only time I get to go. Can you imagine how long my list is?
I think it is “I need a vacation and a stiff virgin drink” thankyouverymuch…time =)
1st i can’t imagine NOT going to Target at least weekly — I am addicted. And oh my heart goes out to you — see this is why I do NOT go to the stores alone with all my kids :) My kids love to shop so they would be fairly well behaved BUT I would be running back and forth to the potty with them every few min — stores seem to do that to them especially when I am alone!!! Others think I am crazy but we always go as a family — my hubby LOVES to shop too…I know that is a little strange. But it works for us!
It’s ok. I only get to go to target about twice a year. No joke. It is truly sad.
And I would totally recommend never taking your kids to the store, but you are married to a preacher. And as a fellow married to a preacher person, i know that we always wind up having to take our kids. If we wait for our hubby’s schedule to open to help us…well, it just doesnt happen does it….
Oh my goodness! You were in MY Target and MY Lifeway! I was just at that Target a couple of nights ago… WHAT IF WE HAD MET EACH OTHER?
Um, can you tell this thought excites me to no end?
Well can only say WOW. I know our daughter would have us baby sit when she went grocery shopping. Our grandson has issues about shopping and at 9 I guess she still struggles with him going. Have a a great trip I’ll miss you.
Lynn
I have seen your sweet face at Beth’s blog so often, I just had to stop by and say hello.
You are adorable! I hope you know how incredibly blessed you are to love GOD as you do – at this time in your life when your influence on your children is huge!
At 49 with a 22 year old son and a 24 year old daughter, I ask GOD why I didn’t surrender to HIM earlier. It makes me cry for all the lost time of influence that I could have had being a godly wife and mom.
GOD doesn’t mind when I ask why, but HE doesn’t make mistakes and HE can use my testimony still.
I guess to all the young women who are married with children in my life – I’m like the “scared straight” videos used to be. Something to scare kids from doing drugs. I’m something to scare the young moms from doing foolish things.
I smiled when I read your “life” and trip to the far away Target!
I now live in a small little town near TN and the nearest Target is 40 minutes away. Of course, it’s new. The nearest Target used to be in Johnson City, TN!
At least we don’t have to take the buggy into town :-)
GOD bless you, Lisa! I pray you will be a shining example of what life can be when you are in love with HIM!
Teri
p.s. I’m praying you get to hug Beth’s neck at the Siesta Fiesta! She has been who GOD used in my life to not only learn about HIM, but to fall madly in love with HIM!
Oh God bless you!!! You poor thing!! I hate that panicky feeling!!
Btw…your blog is absolutely gorgeous!
Is it okay to laugh? I mean, bless your sweet heart!!!! I was talking to Georgia about you the other day and how little you are and a mother of 4. I only have the two boys but I know boys and their daddy’s teach them the way to a woman’s heart but for the life of me I never hear the daddy’s using that line on their wives. Anyway, I can’t believe you drive to Chattanooga to shop at Target. How close do you live to me? Come to Nashville my sweet friend. Well, actually it’s Murfreesboro but it has everything Nashvegas has and then some. As I type that I am going shopping in Franklin today. hehe Shopping for clothes for San Antonio. Can we say hot!!! BTW… we are having dinner on that Thursday night with a special person. :o) Fill ya in later gator!! AND…Kim and I are going to the Market Square Thursday to shop if you want to come with us. We have decided to rent a minivan. Not cool but it fits the 7 people in our rockin’ group!!
Love,
Patty
Oh that’s funny. You sooooo need a vacation. Too bad everyone else is going with you. . . .
ROFL….been there…..done that:) lol!!!
Oh, that’s funny! Funny as in been there, done that!
I just laughed and laughed when I read your post! I have 3 boys so I know what a trip to Target is like! Thank you for adding humor to my day! My boys used to climb in and out of clothes racks, too. One of my twins, that at the time was about 3 yrs, was playing with a stack of balls in a wire cage-like rack at Kmart. Some how, he wedged free one ball which sent all the balls tumbling out of the cage! It was sight to see! I tried my best to gather all the balls and put them back…it was quite a show for the other shoppers!!
My sister and I managed to lose her 4 year old little boy at Walmart. We were almost in full panic mode when we heard “Look behind the blankets!” It was the boy. He had hid behind a rack full of beach towels.
Glad you found the Suburban.
Can I borrow Boy #3 the next time I go shopping for new clothes?
Lisa, this is a FABULOUS story!
I mean, it could have been me!!
But, the fact that the poor man found the car. I wonder what they talked about on the ride home? “Poor, poor woman.” :)
I’m so sorry about the Target trip.
Because it could have been a slice of heaven for you.
Hope today is a good, good day!
Hugs,
Fran
we had a similar visit to Target the other night (took my husband to Target and we figured he hadn’t been in 15 years. how he has made it through life successfully without a Target visit is beyond me!)
anyway, the visit went downhill quickly and ended when my husband said “we should be able to make a Target run without everyone in the store knowing we’re here!
might be another 15 years before he goes back!
I love the free to a good home visual I am getting. Think i would have rather been a mile deep in the woods with a bear than tackle 4 kids in the clothing department at Target. Mine are mostly grown and I still NEVER do me shopping with all of them in tow, especially the boy! You are one brave woman, and I also vote for the latter on the vehicle. Have a blessed vacation!!!
I can’t help but laugh. (Can’t stop laughing either =)
I feel your pain with four kids in Target. In fact, the kid under the racks and pointing out bras sounds pretty familar too. For that matter, so does the “Free to good home” sign. And definitely the instant regret of punishment that will punish me more.
Come to think of it, so does the attempt at charm and flattery from the little angel who received aforementioned punishment.
I could have written this. Well, except for the fact that I’ve never lost my Suburban in a parking lot….
(I drive a van).
Wow, sounds like something that would happen to me… and I, too, would swear up and down that I KNEW KNEW KNEW where I’d parked!!!
Though that day was probably stressful for you… it gave me a good, hearty laugh!
The crazy thing is that my kids are worse when my husband is with us! I go from two boys to three!
And yes, I also hate it when I have to stand with my threat and it ends up making me wish I hadn’t said anything in the end.
Oh, well, chalk it up to credibility!
Blessings!
haha…knowing you and your kids personally makes this story even more hilarious. It’s like a movie playing in my head. It could have been worse though. My last shopping trip with our younger sister’s kids was pretty hard to beat. They managed to take down 4 racks of clothing. That left me standing there torn between helping to clean up the mess or pretending not to know them. I sent my kids to help and walked the opposite direction. :) That was a nice compromise, yes?
Oh, I feel your pain! When our fifth was 3 months old, my husband had to resume his 2 week overseas trips. I knew I didn’t have enough to room to stock up on 2 wks of milk so I braved target. I did not, however, even give my children a chance to prove to me they could do it. I got one of those mondo carts with the 2 seats in the front and put the 7 and 5 year old in them. Then I put the 3 year old in the basket, the 1 year old in the top of the cart and strapped the baby to me. I gave instructions that no one was to say one word the entire time we were in the building :) I underestimated how much weight I would be pushing. I think it was close to 200 pounds! The 1 year old had/has major sensory issues so anytime I would start slowing down the cart, he would start screaming. So, we discovered the term “drive-by” shopping. Some aisles I would have to circle 3 times to be able to grab enough without coming to a stop. I could feel the stares of people :) But my kids didn’t say a word and we all survived. They even got to drink milk the entire time he was gone.
Thanks for sharing your target story and triggering all those fun memories! :) Have a wonderful vacation!
I think you’re right…#2 for sure! LOL
Lisa, several years ago I traveled to Connecticut to a conference. I bet a fellow writer there who writes Christian children’s books, and we became instant friends.
On a free afternoon, we headed to a nearby mall. I can SO relate to your experience. We had taken the hotel shuttle, which would pick us up at 4. So we stood there as the sun prepared to set, wondering why the bus was late, and why everyone else had driven…until we heard the roar of a bus leaving on the opposite side of the mall.
We hadn’t picked a landmark–that was our problem. Everyone knows that women need directional landmarks.
Ok you have just reconfirmed why I love ya!
You pull out the threats before entering the store and then you lose your car on the way out (I have done that so many times it is ridiculous)
I am so glad someone else other than me goes through that when shopping with kids :)
Have a great day
Kim
Here’s an obsessive followup to my hurried comment left a minute ago…
Of course I meant to say “I met…,” not “I bet…”.
I leave the betting for people who at least know how to find a bus stop.
Even WITHOUT kids on a shopping trip – I cannot remember where I parked the car. In times like these – I hit the trunk button on the remote and look around for a trunk to go flying up or hit the alarm.
Thanks for sharing your humor with us, for some of us it is good medicine. (me) -Blessings, Laurie
So glad I’m not the only one…this sounds like my shopping trip last week!
My boys also do the SAME thing at bras and undies. Annoying.
Gotta love ’em.
Happy vacationing!
Shopping with 4 kids- I’m feeling it for you. NO FUN! :)
And I thought only “older people” did things like that:) You’ll be okay! Just keep believing that.
Have a much needed vacation!
Oh my! What were you thinking? I can barely shop with two, and you attempt FOUR – three of whom are BOYS and in the clothing department no less. Sheer insanity … no wonder you couldn’t find the ‘Burb – you weren’t wearing your ‘supermom’ costume again were you? I hate it when I slip mine on by accident and totally forget I’m NOT invincible and cannot leap tall buildings in a single bound!
Thanks for making us all smile and nod our heads, Lisa! Can you sneak back to Tar-jai after they are all in bed???
Oh my gosh you crack me up, I have to bookmark your site!
Wow. Four kiddos in Target?
Yeah, I’m laughing WITH you, not AT you. :-)
ALL those kids in Target. i have a hard enough time fighting my own “i want i want i want” inner child when i go there.
[we’re doing the NOG study right now, too. it’s amazing.]
I am the worlds worst to forget where I parked if ANYONE (especially my kids) are talking to me on the way into a store.
I hate that!
AND – I was told by a mother once that it is important to give punishments that don’t punish the parents also.
However, I always remember that too late…..I find her words ringing in my head about the time I say – You won’t go to the pool today if you don’t stop acting like that……
and all the time knowing I’m punishing myself because staying home means more fighting.
Have a fabulous vacation.
I just know how you feel I have lost my car at the mall with my son once and my son wanted us to call the police I almost went into panic mode,
I think you where suffering from post traumattic stress 4-kids tip
I hope you at least got some shorts I feel the same way I need a new pair for our trip to the beach but everytiem I plan a trip I have to do something with my son and if I take him to Target all he wants is to see the toys and bugs me the whole time. And I have not bought me a pair of shorts in over a year,love,marina
I got to go to Target BY MYSELF yesterday.
By. Myself.
If my babysitter didn’t live so far away, I’d have her come once a week just so I could do that all the time.
This is the funniest post I’ve read in a long time. No not funny. That would be unsympathetic. Saddest post in a long time. No not sad because sympathy makes people sadder. Most truthful! That’s it…the most truthful! I have great memories of taking my 3 to WalMart. I say great memories because they are over. I did take 4 grandchildren to WalMart this summer, which was similar to your venture, only worse, far worse. Because I’m older and less able to inflict discipline. Enjoyed the post. Blessings, marlene
OMGracious…I think I popped a stich in my c-section from laughing so hard!!! That was hysterical! I just gotta know if he got to go to the swim party! :)
I am still smiling (leftover from the inward laughing I was doing) from this post. Sometimes, we just can’t, for whatever reason, finish our shopping experience and just have to call it a day. I’ve had a similar experience with my niece and nephew in Wal-Mart. It’s funny now, but it wasn’t then.
Have a good rest of the week. I’m enjoying your blog. Thanks.