Can He Handle the Truth?
** Alert ** Sensitive Santa Info ** Cover Innocent Eyes **
Today I took The Girl to the post office to mail her letter to Santa. There is a special mailbox there just for him and children who give their return address will receive a personal reply.
We have the most awesome Postmaster on God’s green earth. {Whoot Whoot, Lori!}
But here’s the thing. I’m still thinking my 7th Grade boy is hangin‘ on to St. Nick. Just last year he said, “Mom. I can see where the tooth fairy could be you and dad. But, there’s just no way that parents could hide all those presents from kids and them just appear on Christmas morning.”
Is that not the most darlin‘ thing you’ve ever heard? He’s such an innocent.
Even so, I’m thinking it’s time we had The Talk. No, not THAT talk even though Luke took care of that a few months back. I still find it hilarious the kid knows about the birds n bees but not Santa. Luke didn’t think he could take that much trauma in one day.
So here’s my question: When did y’all break the news to your kids? Did you even have to? My 9-year-old is a wise guy and figured it out a long time ago so there was really no need to discuss with him. It’s time to confirm it for the 7th grader though before he gets embarrassed in front of his friends, don’t you think?
Let me also say I realize this can be a hot topic and not everyone does the whole Santa thing. This post is meant to be light and not a deep theological debate on whether we ever should have let them believe to begin with. We love Jesus. He’s number One. He doesn’t get lost in our Holidays. The kids know He is REAL. This post is merely intended to have fun with this rite of passage that most of our kids face when it’s time to give up the Man in Red.
Before I go, I have to tell you one thing we told the kids to explain why some get huge amounts of toys and others don’t. We told them we have to pay Santa. Yep. Santa gives parents a bill. Isn’t that so lame? Lame or not, the kids understand they have a poor Santa so they don’t get broken-hearted when they don’t get a new 4-wheeler or a pony. If I had it all to do over, I would definitely tell the kids they only get three gifts because Jesus only got three. Granted His were worth a fortune, but I’ve always concluded His family had to use that cash to finance the flight to Egypt.
Which makes me feel a little better about the $20 I borrowed from my 6 year old yesterday.
I can’t believe I just told y’all that.
So I’d be really interested to hear your Christmas quirks. Do you have weird things you’ve told your kids? Were they still normal when they learned the truth? How did you find out as a child? Are you still traumatized today?
This ought to be interesting…:)
My son was very young. He asked me and I’m one that just can’t lie well. I think he was 5. The really bad thing is then he proceeded to tell my sister’s kids, and that was not good! She got a little mad! I told him that the santa character was based on a real man call St. Nicholas. Otherwise I’ve never really had to tell Bekah, he helped with that too! Am I bad my children know there is no Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, etc……?
Oh…the story of Santa. I figured out early about the tooth fairy, but I just couldn’t get my mind wrapped around Santa.
The child of educators, I was always told we were a poor family, so I knew that we couldn’t afford all of the gifts I received. My friends started telling me otherwise, but I was convinced that it was a partnership; you know, Santa half, parents half.
Then…in 6th grade…I got a shop vac. Yes, you read that right, a SHOP VAC. That was the end of Santa for me. I knew that no Santa would ever allow my parents to give me a vacuum cleaner!
It was not funny at the time…how was I supposed to tell my friends about my big gift when it was a shop vac?? We all get a big laugh out of it now though. :)
Oh I LOVE that you told them you get a bill! Our kids are too young yet, we’re debating what we tell Asher about Santa, but I think he’s just going to be a decoration, not a gift giver. :)
My daughter was three when she figured out that there was no Santa. There was no way he could be at all the places that we were shopping. There were just too many Santas everywhere. So we just let it be that–people dressed up like a Santa and explained the St. Nicholas story. When my son came along, she helped us pretend that Santa filled the stockings and the presents were from mom and dad. I think my son was four or five when we really explained it all to him.
I just watched the Polar Express and your boy must still hear the bell ringing. ;)
Great post, Lisa. I loved it that you said Jesus doesn’t get lost in your holidays. I have two married sons, now in their 20’s, and we did a “little Santa” and a “lot of Jesus.” We did zero tooth fairy or Easter Bunny, but that was based more on my husband’s childhood traditions than deep spiritual concerns.
To answer your question, my oldest son (who is now a pastor, working on his doctorate, and so smart – truly) figured it out in 1st grade – didn’t believe a bit of it because it made no sense and was impossible, etc. etc. (his gift is prophecy), and told his little brother. It saddened me, but we didn’t make a big deal of it.
Now that my oldest has a new baby, it will be interesting to see what traditions he and his wife will adopt. I do know they are going to “do Santa” because they had our little grandson’s picture made with him…he is only 4 months old – so precious!
He did say that his childhood memories of Santa were fun and that the key is to keep the focus on Jesus, and just have fun with the Santa part.
Every child is different – you know the Proverb, “train a child in the way HE should go…” Your oldest may have more of a tender heart and enjoy the fun of things!
You’re a good Momma!
Much love,
Georgia Jan
Hey Lisa,
I love your post being what I get my day started with!! LOL so funny. And I above all other (along with you and Luke of course) could NOT be happier about the innocence boy 1 has. He is the sweetest thing. He cracks me up with the constant, uncontrolled, spontaneous laughter.
On to the money-Santa trick. I was so mad at my mom because she has always told Tay and Meg that. But as they got are older…Bad idea…not so much! The boys’ mom told them about 3 years and we were SO MAD!!
Come on dude, where the fun in that.(the joys of having 2 separate homes to grow up in….and I know its not easy for them either).
Meg was the only one still holding on….(cough cough… faking) that belief in HOHO. So I was informed by the 14 year old boy#1 in my house who was crushed by the news how much magic is now gone from Christmas morning.
Sad day for dear old mom. It is sad really, that after the “know” it is alot more trouble that fun. The joy ( of the gift giving , not the trueness Jesus) is some how dimmed by money stress, counting gifts in fear 1 may get more than the other, and trying to fulfill expectations.
I am with ya on the whole embarrassment factor and feeling the need to tell, but I also know the innocence that seems to fade with the truth!
Good luck, and it will be fine.
I mean Boy #1 will be fine, you will probably have a small cry, but you too will be fine!! lol
Our boys have known from the beginning that there is no Santa. We did tell about St. Nicholas too. But we said it is fun to pretend with our friends and family so they still get into it and never spill the beans for anyone else. They still giggle and get excited when they see Santa in the mall. I just think to make a big deal about Santa (like not allowing any santa decorations or telling all kids that there is no santa) just makes it a bigger deal and takes the focus off Jesus. My kids love to play along but still know the real reason for the season. That being said, I have no problem with parents who allow their kids to believe in Santa. As long as they are teaching of the birth of Jesus, does it really matter? They will know the truth someday, let them have their childhood fun and make believe. I admire their “child-like” faith!
Ok…I’m out the door so I’ll make this quick. clay is our 6th grader and he still believed. We finally told him this past week. Chip was worried about him saying something all sweet and innocent like “Hey Mr. 7th or 8th grader, what is Santa bringing you this year?” And, then he would be chewed up and spit out. I had many friends tell me that you can’t have them in middle school believing. Its a rough world out there and everyone won’t be nice to a precious believing boy.
Anyway…he was completely fine with it. Broke my heart. He was fine.
Let us know!!!
Love ya,
Fran
I just want to state clearly, for I fear some one may read my comment and not be sure that in our home Jesus IS the reason we celebrate. He is the true reason of Christmas. We just love the excitement and anticipation of the whole “Santa” idea. (FYI when the boys’ mom told them, they were 10 and 8….bummer which made the girls 8 and 6. They were good not to spoil it for the girls. Good boys….or maybe it was the threats they received….either way Tay had 23 more good years!!)
Even though this was the year Meg (who are 10 for anyone that reads this) stopped believing, we will still have “Santa” present every year till we are gone.
That is just how my family always has worked, my brother and I love it and it is a tradition that will follow over into my
(…. one day …far -far away…) my grand children grandbabies lives.
It is fun. Teach Jesus first and Santa can be the fun part!!
Wait, Santa isn’t real? WHAT?!
;)
“Finance the flight to Egypt” – LOL!!! Sista, that is hilarious.
I’m pretty impressed that he is all the way in 7th grade and still believes. I used to teach 3rd grade and that seemed to be the year that the nay-sayers figured it out. I would have a class that was about half and half believers vs non-believers. I always had a conversation with my non-believers to keep quiet and don’t spoil it for the others… My oldest is in 2nd grade, but is VERY naive, innocent, dreamy – so I’m hoping I have a few more Santa years in her. My youngest? She’s 2 and it wouldn’t surprise me if she hasn’t already figured it out.
Ditto the “we love Santa but definitely keep Jesus the focus” part. I think Santa is a right of passage for a kid…
My cousin and his wife have three children – two girls and the boy is the youngest. I was talking to the two girls about Christmas not too long ago, and the younger girl was trying to tell the older girl that Mom and Dad were Santa. The oldest wouldn’t believe it! She looked at the youngest and said, “Why would Mom and Dad just GIVE us all those presents? It doesn’t make sense!” I tried not to laugh too hard…and failed!
Pardon me but I’m still cracking up about the “Shop Vac” story. That is hilarious!
Kayla found out when she was too young. I can’t remember what age exactly but she was telling her cousin what Santa had brought her for Christmas and her cousin interruped her and said, “I already know what you got…your parents told my mom what they were getting you.” Grrrrr. She was sad for days! You don’t tell a kid on Christmas day that Santa is a fraud.
Jordan – I don’t know. She just kinda decided a year or two ago. We didn’t argue with her when she said as much. We just said o.k.
Jade – is 11 now. She asked me, well told me, the other day that she knew there wasn’t a Santa and straight out asked me to which I replied, “What do you think?” She knows but we aren’t going to validate her just because it’s more fun to keep her wondering. But she also knows not to tell her friends that she believes in Santa. Kinda like if you still watch Hannah Montana but are too old to admit it. :)
We always tell our kids that we have to pay Santa for the gifts he brings. That keeps their expectations low because they know we are not rich. We also tell our kids that Santa has to buy these electronic gifts from the mall because elves just don’t have that much skill…so when you can’t find that toy that is sold out everywhere they know Santa can’t find it either and will have to wait until next year when demand isn’t so high.
Another trick I will share with you is we always bought what we knew our kids needed or would have the most fun with BEFORE we asked them what they wanted. That way we could convince them that what we had secretly already bought for them was the exact thing that they wanted. It’s always easier to tell them what they want rather than asking them. :)
WHAAAAAAT? Santa isn’t real?!!! Who said that?
You gotta believe to receive at my house!
It’s just a fun tradition that we’ve held to. Our teens (who know the truth…) still laugh and say they believe.
I saw mama put the gifts under the tree one year late at night. It didnt make me warped. Oh wait, I am warped, maybe that’s why…..
I don’t think I’m a whole lot of help on this one. Santa was a fun story in our house growing up. We got presents from him. “To: Kelly, From: Santa.” But I can’t ever remember thinking he was real.
Truthfully, I think most kids know he’s just a story. (Don’t they?) It’s just fun to pretend. All kids love to play make-believe.
Hello, I still believe
Oh gosh, I hope this doesn’t come across like the kind of comment you specifically prohibited…
My Dad was big on telling us that Santa wasn’t real. No Santa, ever! I think he was so hard on the idea because he had been really crushed by the lie.
We want to take a more lighthearted approach with our kids. We talk about Santa, but we’ll never try to create the illusion that he is real. We hope to find a good balance of letting them have fun without risking hurt down the road.
Hopefully, for your sake and his, your son is holding on to the idea because it is fun, and doesn’t TRULY believe it. It is really sweet though.
Agreed, Jesus first and foremost. Santa for fun. I’ve also been wishing we’d done the the 3 gifts. Wish someone had told me that 14 years ago!
Anywho, if I were you I would sit him down before his friends do. That wouldn’t be a pleasant adolescent memory.
I had to sit both of mine down in about 4th grade because the friends were about to get brutal. I don’t know who took it harder, them or me.
But no worries, Santa still comes to our house with surprises.
we've never done Santa – not for any major godly reason… but if you want to read about it go here –> http://splashinggrace.blogspot.com/2007/12/my-kid-is-that-kid.html
hope it makes you smile! (btw – my parents did do Santa – I think it just slowly dawned on us)
I had to call my hubby and ask him this one, as our kids are now 15 & 19 and I wanted to make sure my memory was correct.
We did the same as you. Made sure that they knew that Jesus was the reason we celebrated Christmas.
We never made a big deal about Santa, we always told the kids that the gifts were from us (hey, I wasn't going to let that guy get all the credit…are ya kiddin' me????) I don't know what they thought Santa did though.
When the kids asked, we told them the truth. We also told them not to spoil it for others and to enjoy the "pretend." They were pretty young when they asked, but it didn't seem to upset them or anything.
They still go every year to get their Santa picture taken for me. Like I said, they are 15 and 19 but I love that picture. We've taken one every year since the oldest was a baby. It's so fun to see their age progression.
Funny you should ask this b/c a few months ago my then 4yo came in the room and declared Santa was not real b/c there was no way he could fit down the chimney
Then he went on to say that daddy and mommy were the real santa – too funny
When my then 8YO heard he was horrified and told my 4YO that he was “crazy” there was a real Santa b/c mommy and daddy can not afford the gifts Santa brings – LOL
So both of my kids still believe in Santa
And btw they only get one gift from SAnta and when they asked why other kids get more we explained that we did not want to be greedy – hehe
Love ya
Kim
I never had to break it to my kids that Santa wasn’t real – but that is probably because I never really made him out to be.
I try really hard to keep Christmas from being about the gifts and decorations and hype. For my family (and your mileage may vary) that means that Santa is treated like a fairy tale based on a real person who did good things for people in need.
I told my children ages 14 – 25, when you stop believing in Santa he stops coming. Santa does the stockings only…he is poor on my street too.
Please promise me you will set up the video recorder when you tell him Lisa, not for your peeps, but because when I told my gradeschool girls, I still wish I had film rolling. They had the funniest reactions – they laughed so hard and between rolls of laughter gave their reasons why we couldn’t be Santa:
Daddy didn’t have a red suit!
Daddy wouln’t fit down the chimney!
You all don’t eat the cookies we put out, etc.
Oh yes, they had a real good laugh.
We did go to the three gifts are year too; but allowed them to put anything on their list. We, of course pick what we’ll buy them. Oh my oldest teen has gotten wise this year – only 3 items on the list…
Love you Lisa!
I was a level-headed kid even before I started school. My sister (3 years older than I) got a doll from “Santa.” It had a horse that it rode, and on the side of the horse was a Mattel insignia. I knew that Santa was supposed to make his toys, not some toy company. I insisted we ask our mother about it. My mother didn’t lie to us. My sister was a little upset becasue I spoiled the whole “Santa” thing for her. But I was proud because I had figured out something very complex (for a preschooler.)
I don’t remember how my kids found out, but they were still little when the truth about Santa became part of their lives. BUT they insisted on getting “Santa” gifts even after they became “adults.”
Good luck with your grown-up talk with your growing-up son!
I had a friend that had told me that she wanted to get credit for the money SHE spent on presents and not some guy in a red suit! And will they question anything else you’ve told them for the truth if you’ve told them a lie about Santa? So, we’ve never had Santa presents and parent presents. We told the truth to our first son (whose now 11) when he was around 5 or 6 and swore him to secrecy. We haven’t really told my 5 year old yet. He would shout it from the rooftops. We give them three gifts and some little things in their stockings. Limiting my giving to three gifts has really helped me reign in my spending. You think twice before buying “filler” toys. We ordered the box of gold, frankincense and myrryh to show them the gifts that Jesus received. If three gifts is good enough for HIM then it’s good enough for me!
My sister got mad at me when I was 8 or 9 and told me “Granny wanted me to tell you that there is no such thing as Santa Claus.” Oh the heartbreak. I don’t remember that I did to her, but boy she payed me back for it. It’s more depressing now because I’ve realized that I have to fork over the money for the Santa presents, since ya know, he isn’t there to save the day. I’m debating whether or not to let Clayton really believe that there is a Santa.
And your three gift idea? Genius.
We were planning to tell our 8 year old after Christmas this year. Then she and daddy had a fight and she said that she’d tell
Santa not to give him any gifts and my husband said there was no Santa and that’s why Mommy went back to work for the Christmas season – to make money to buy presents — all on my first day of work at Macy’s….definitely not as planned…I would have loved to have her believe longer than even the eight years. However, we are allowing her to help shop and wrap for baby brother (who is 2) and will let her put them under the tree and eat the cookies on Christmas eve.
With our four kids, we sort of gave them the “wink” when they were around 10-11 and started questioning. We never had the painful talk. We still play along-even though the youngest is 16, because Santa still fills all our stockings. I’ve considered the debate over the years, and I think on a positive, it can encourage “anonymous giving” to bless someone…surprise giving.
My oldest never believed. Apparently it jsut didn’t sound plausible enough, or maybe she just figured it out before she got over her Santa fear at the mall. Second kid believed until first grade when some evil kid on the bus burst his bubble. (Okay– maybe the kid wasn’t actually evil, but just trying to work through the bad news himself).
Third kid came to us last year and hemmed and hawed and asked if it was okay if she didn’t believe in Santa anymore. LOL. She was in fourth grade at the time. Little guy still believes, although seems to be a bit cynical about it lately. He’s 6. So basically we didn’t have to have that talk.
Maybe if you approached him saying “Now that you’re older, we need to let you in on the secret of Santa” and tell him being so grown up means that has to help carry on the ‘magic’ for the little ones??
Okay, here’s the deal in our house – our kids have ALWAYS known santa is pretend – we play santa still [and they’re in college] and they’ve had their photo with a couple of different santas through the years, but he was never real [more like mickey mouse or goofy] so we never had to reveal the *truth*. We don’t have santas in our house, but almost every room has a navity scene of some sort – I’m just all about keepin’ it REAL during this season. However… the one thing about santa that we always do: they get a chocolate santa every year on December 6th – Today’s St. Nicholas Day! And this year they got a big honkin one pound santa to eat while they’ll be studying for exams… Happy St. Nick’s Day!
Oh Boy–i LOVE Santa! he is so much fun. I figured it out around 6, but my 4 are so trusting. We told the oldest when he was 12 because he was arguing vehemently with everyone so it felt like a lie not to set him straight. He was crushed, but when I told him about the real St. Nicholas and all that he insisted we continue with the other 3. I have 11 yr. old twins 1 knows 1 doesn’t. of course the 5 yr. old believes and says ” if you don’t believe, you don’t receive!”
Santa really isn’t the focus in our house–he just brings 3 VERY small gifts. The BIG stuff comes from mom and dad!
On the other side of being too honest–my friend’s kids say thier Santa is the UPS guy! HA!!
We used to tell our kids that Santa was an angel sent from Jesus to good little boys and girls.
A prisoner of hope,
Megan
I’m so glad your 7th grader still believes! Mine still claims to, and I was really starting to worry a little! I honestly can’t believe that his friends haven’t said anything to him…especially the ones across the street who think it’s lame that we don’t give the kids the password for the computer so they actually have to ASK to use it! (hmmph!) BUT he still acts like he believes it. I keep thinking he’s just saying he believes because he’s afraid that if he doesn’t, he won’t get Santa presents anymore!
The 10 year old has asked a couple of times, and I just asked him, “Would it bother you if it were the parents giving the gifts instead?” He said, “Nope, I don’t care who brings it!”
I’ve always told them they get three gifts because that’s what Jesus got. They get one from us, one from Santa, and one from their brothers and sisters. When they asked for something to expensive and I said it was too expensive, and they’d say, “Well, we’ll just ask Santa for that!” I always told them, that Santa wasn’t allowed to give them things their parents couldn’t afford because that would make the parents feel bad! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!!
Finally, we use the Santa thing to demonstrate how you can believe in God without seeing him because you can see the evidence of him, just like you believe in Santa because you saw the presents, and the milk and cookies were gone etc… :)
When I was a kid, I believed until one particular year when Mom had to go into work on Christmas eve. I went to the restroom and when I came out all the presents were out and they said Santa had come in the meantime. I knew I hadn’t heard any reindeer hit the roof and so it was all downhill from there. I was so bummed when I went back to college the next week.
Lisa, I will never forget when my youngest daughter (now 19) informed me that she KNEW there wasn’t a Santa Claus. She was ready for me to fess up (she was actually 11 at the time!) SO when I did admit, “You are right, sweetie. It’s your daddy and I”, I will NEVER forget the look of horror on her face! She was just devastated! “You mean there ISN’T a Santa Claus?” She was almost in tears and I was trying to backpedal so fast and recant my confession but it was too late. She had been scarred for life..She still reminds of this defining moment in her life.
Beth Herring
We always told our kids who Santa was, but not to tell anyone else. They never have and still don’t tell those who still believe. Ok that said, every year my dad dresses as Santa and even though my kids knew who it was in that suit they still kind of thought Santa was real. In fact when younger they were, just like many kids, they were a little scared of him. We had to walk such a fine line. Because we did not want to ruin the fun for my mom and yet they knew the truth. But somehow, as I said before, they still sort of believed and they have great fun with it all. They are 19, 18, 16 and 10 now and I think they still have fun with it all despite the teenage cynicalness that some are bent on displaying. I really wanted to have Santa be a part of our Christmas so i am glad that my dad still dresses up. It was such fun for me as a kid and I really wanted my kids to have fun with it too.
Our kids just figured it out on their own, and when they asked, I was honest. I was a little concerned that if I waited until they were older they would question whether Jesus was real also. However, that never seemed to be an issue. I think it is harder to keep Santa “alive” in your house when you have older siblings that seem to slip up frequently. Unfortunately, the younger ones don’t get to believe as long as the older kids. We also told our kids that we had to pay Santa for the gifts. Nice to know their is another crazy family out their.
Have a blessed day,
Julie
Okay, I almost hate to admit this. As I’m typing it, well. . it sounds so mean and manipulative. When my oldest was almost 3 and still using his pacifier, we told him that he had to leave it with the cookies and milk for Santa in order for him to get his presents. I mean we had tried everything to break him of the pacifier and nothing had worked. This last ditched “Santa” effort worked, although when I think of it I wonder just where the line of pretend and dishonesty intersect. Some tough questions surrounding Santa. . I just saying.
Hi there. I just feel the need to comment here b/cuz I was one devastated fourth grader when I found out all the mean kids who were trying to tell me Santa wasn’t real were right. I knew my parents wouldn’t lie to me. But in fourth grade I recognized my mom’s handwriting was alot like Santa’s…I felt the fool and deeply disappointed. Just so you know to talk to your son when he discovers the truth.
This is my first time here on your lovely blog, and I want to share my experience as well. As kids my brother and I simply eased into the realization that Santa was really my mom and dad, and we found it sweet.
So naturally, Santa entered the life of my little boy Zee as well, although the focus in our Christmas is very much Jesus-centered. He was about 8/9 when he figured out that there is just too much of a coincidence in the gifts he had asked us for, and what he got from Santa. (We never wrote letters to Santa.) So we admitted this is simply part of the make-belief of Christmas time.
BIG mistake! He was devastated. And worse, he felt utterly deceived by us, and cheated, as if he could never trust his parents again. It is the one thing in my life I dearly wish I had done differently.
Years later (he’s 12 now) Zee admitted that Santa took for him the place of his very beloved Grandfather who had passed away from leukemia when Zee was still a toddler. He could cling to this image of love and benevolence in his life as a replacement of his granddad. When we ‘took away’ Santa, we took away his grandfather a second time.
I still get a sinking feeling when I think about it ~ though we did the Santa thing with good intentions.
*hug*
Pippa