The Outside
We recently bought the Need to Breathe CD, The Outsiders. There are several songs I really love (Through Smoke!) but the title track has a postlude that resonates with me and I wonder if it will you, too. It says,
On the outside,
You’re free to roam
On the outside
We found a home
On the outside
There’s more to see
On the outside
We choose to be
What I’m about to say may make no sense to anyone whatsoever but me, so I trust your forbearance until I have something more fun to share another day.
The past couple of years I’ve learned what it feels like to be on the D-List. By that I mean there have been situations where I’ve been close enough to some Really Cool People to understand the perks and privileges Really Cool People are afforded and yet far enough away to not have any chance of being offered the same. (And no, I don’t intend on elaborating any further than that.) I’m being transparent here by saying that if I indulge my flesh, I can easily crave being a ‘somebody’ while equally believing the lie that I am a nobody. Imagine the field day Satan has with that one. Either a girl accepts the sentence of worthlessness or worse – decides to feverishly manipulate herself into a seat in which she was never invited to sit.
This whole subject is hitting me afresh this week after a rejection of sorts. I was forced to put myself out there in a way I was very uncomfortable with and was essentially sent away with a patronizing pat on the head. I was reminded of who I am not and for a day or so, it really stung. As in, I swore I would never take this kind of risk again, EVER, because who really wants to create a setup for insecurity when it’s so easy to go there without any help whatsoever?
I’m reminded of Luke 14:8-11 and particularly love how it is worded in The Message:
7-9He went on to tell a story to the guests around the table. Noticing how each had tried to elbow into the place of honor, he said, “When someone invites you to dinner, don’t take the place of honor. Somebody more important than you might have been invited by the host. Then he’ll come and call out in front of everybody, ‘You’re in the wrong place. The place of honor belongs to this man.’ Red-faced, you’ll have to make your way to the very last table, the only place left.
10-11“When you’re invited to dinner, go and sit at the last place. Then when the host comes he may very well say, ‘Friend, come up to the front.’ That will give the dinner guests something to talk about! What I’m saying is, If you walk around with your nose in the air, you’re going to end up flat on your face. But if you’re content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.”
But if you are content to be yourself, you will become more than yourself. Oh, how I love that.
While I’ve processed the reality of not being worthy of being honored by this one particular ‘host’, the Lord has tenderly reminded me that I’m really more free without the restrictions that seat would force upon me. At first I was tempted to bemoan not being considered ‘important’ enough. I’ve instead come to realize that it is my choice to be not only content but happily make my home in this circle of influence Christ has marked out for me. If there is to be a lane change, it has to be because He created a place of more effective ministry elsewhere and not because I elbowed my way into it. What occurs to me about lanes is that the moves are always out – not up. Even the Lord in his imagery never condoned our tendencies for ‘climbing the ladder’. I believe He is more about accomplishing immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine horizontally rather than vertically. As for the here and now, I am blessed – we are all blessed – with people all around us who love, need, appreciate, and adore the women we are – not the ones we imagine we want to be.
And not only that. I’m pretty confident that many of the Perk and Privilege Crowd would be devastated to think that anyone would be embittered because they are simply trying to steward the seat to which they’ve been assigned. What’s more, many of them have endured great heartache before garnering that status – a qualification not one of us would dare envy. Perhaps they have just been so faithful in their God-given tasks that they deserve the better view. {Yet another issue women face: we want the reward without the work.} And who knows the motivations behind the ones who deny us for other reasons, but I do know that if God has a plan for us (and He always does!) then no lack of popularity or excess of politics can keep us from it. Imagine what happy women we would be be if we determined to enjoy our assignments rather than letting those green-eyed monsters of jealously and pride rob us of enjoying the company of delightful dinner companions sharing the same section of the table.
So I’ve resolved the matter (for myself if no one else) by coming to this conclusion: None of us has nor ever will be held back from any place the Father has ordained for us. Rather, I am persuaded we will always be lovingly and strategically placed. We can either choose to dwell in rejection when we try to attain more than what we’ve been sovereignly given or receive our lots with the honor Our Host intended to bestow.
Knowing this, may we all be become ‘more than ourselves’ by cheerfully choosing and comfortably roaming on The Outside.
Incredible post. One of my absolute favorites of yours. This is the kind of post that will be a legacy for your children and their children.
Also, I think that when the “outside” feeling hits us, it opens our eyes anew to the marginalized and discounted in our world.
And it helps me realize that no matter where we find ourselves, even the bottom rung of a ladder or the farthest seat from the stage, there is always someone who thinks we have the primo spot, an enviable spot. And then there is someone who sees THAT person’s situation as enviable. Amazing world we live in.
As one who is most definitely on the outside of any circle one might draw, whether it be according to the Really Cool in ministry or some other parameter, it has taken me many years to work out the fact that I’ve been called to DIE–to my agenda, to my manipulations, to my desire for validation–to die to MYSELF. As I’ve struggled to do so, to lay it all down before Him in glad surrender, He’s taught me that He is just as glorified in the small and mundane as He is in the big and the magnificent. In fact, the Treasure is revealed in the humble, clay pot! Our culture values the bright lights of success and accomplishment and I often find myself a little frustrated and bitter with the ordinary, outside-ness of my life–but in humility I must remember I do not serve my calling; I serve the One who calls and He is ABLE to fulfill His purposes for me–to the praise of His glory!
Great post. I appreciate your honesty and your desire to follow the Lord in humble faithfulness wherever He leads. May we all do likewise!
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Lisa, you have no idea how this speaks DIRECTLY to me regarding TWO specific areas I am struggling with right now!!! One is regarding church and one regarding a family situation where I feel On The Outside!!! Thank you for being sensitive to the Holy Spirit and posting this. I WILL be reading through it AGAIN!!!
Exactly what I needed to read (and re-read and re-read again). Just this week had a situation where my first response was” that’s suppossed to be me! “, knowing full well I was removed on purpose. It has been very hard letting it go. Thank you! I am pretty sure this one is getting printed off and taped onto my mirror.
Wow! Your post today spoke directly to me on many different levels. I teach the youth at our church and we are studying in the book of Luke and this is what we will be covering next week. Thank you for obeying the Holy Spirit.
Also, I am very excited about a possible ministry wives retreat. My husband surrendered to the call 1 year ago, and we are very new and fresh to this. He doesn’t have a church yet, but could I still attend?
Again, thank you for today’s post, it really blessed my heart.
Loved it- just so you know. ;)
Thanks for this reminder — “If you’re content to be yourself, you’ll become more than yourself.”. That is awesome.
I need that reminder everyday…..
That was great Lisa. I love you for your honesty and your ability to put your feelings about such a personal issue into words.
Oh man! Last night I boohoo-ed through my small group time over this (on a different level) sort of “outsider” feeling.
I want to do something specific in serving and it doesn’t seem to be my turn. I caught myself feeling a little resentment to those who do have the turn.
:(
And feeling sorry for myself.
This was a post meant for me.
Thank you sweet lady!
Thank you, Lisa, for sharing and being so humble. I think it is something we all struggle with in some way or another. I think every time I read that passage of scripture up there, God reminds me of my pride! He’s still working on me, to make me what I ought to be…
Wow! I needed this today! I struggle with insecurity so much with a particular family member, and we will be spending time with her Thanksgiving. My SAHM life is not valued in her eyes, and it is difficult to be content with being “just a mom” when I talk with her. God is securing me now, so that I won’t get so down about it. That statement “But if you’re content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself” is just what I needed to hear. Thanks so much for sharing!
Thank you Lisa. Sorry you’ve had to deal with this, but I just want to thank you for the way you minister where you are. These words really spoke to me.
One of the greatest posts you’ve ever written. I’m not even kidding!! Girl, this is huge! The world tells us to climb the latter in all capacities, in all relationships, in all our circumstances and Christ tells us to humble ourselves, take the last seat, and go sell everything. One of the greatest books I’ve ever read is Descending Into Greatness by Bill Hybels. We are here to live this life advancing God’s Kingdom, honoring His Name and proclaiming His Gospel. That isn’t possible if we’re only trying to honor ourselves.
Um, ladder, that is. I totally meant to do that! ;)
Lisa,
Oooh, how this post speaks to me right where I’m at now. :) Wanting to be and DO more, but realizing I need to be content where God has placed me and not long after that which I don’t have. It’s only in the last year that I’ve truly discovered that as long as I’m taking care of the things which God has placed under me that He’s willing to find more things to place me over.
Lisa — I’m nodding as I read. I know of what you speak. I struggle with desiring what “another” has…. I think I shared this with you.
I LOVE where the Lord has placed me, but I still catch myself looking at others and wishing I had a bit of what they have. It’s the struggle I walk in — the desire to serve God with all that I have and the desire to do more for Him and to be more for Him. I have to remind myself that He has this whole thing figured out.
I love your transparency! I love your heart.
Now there is now therefore No condemnation for those who are in Christ. And you, my friend, most certainly are!
I received a reply once that has stung so much…and in the short term, it made me feel like nothing. I had been squarely “put in my place.” For how dare I think I could be a friend to this one? I’m not sure that was the intent, but in fact it was the message.
In the long term, I have come to realize that even the smallest of people in other’s opinions is greatly and highly favored before the King of KINGS. He treasures us each one as His very favorite. And nothing and no one can prevent a willing heart from stepping into his or her purpose. It is God’s to do. And He most certainly will!
Wow. This is so good. I need to print it and read it every day. Because I have some old scars from my growing up years and some not-so-old scars as well.
You can just drop “wife” off your website title. . . .!
Linda
(from The you-know-what state!! LOL)
Clarification: drop “wife” as in you can preach, not drop “wife” as in leave your husband!
I assume you knew what I meant but just in case someone else didn’t!!
This snuck in right where I’ve been needing it. It’s not so much that I’m on The Outside, but I have dreams and hopes and maybe even promises from God about what the future will hold. But like Abram, I’m sitting here waiting and waiting and waiting and I start to lose my faith that God will do what He says He will do.
This reminded me that, first and foremost, God is the one who is in charge, not me. His ways, His timing, His plans are best. And second, if I have somehow misconstrued His path for me and my family, then I need to rejoice in His way and shed those other dreams. Because I do believe He’s got a greater yes coming my way.
Funny that I’ve had some of these same thoughts over and over again! I have decided it’s an ego problem–something I never thought I had, but now know that I must remember that NOT everything is about me. When we allow God to work His plan, it is always for the best. I wish I could remember these things all of the time!
I love it that you wrote that as a glimpse of what God is doing and look how He has blessed others through it!! And I would like to say I am most definitely included in the bless-ees!
Someone asked me this week why things are so easy for us. First, I think she needs to spend a bit more time getting to know us cause that isnt the case! ;) Life is never meant to be easy, in fact our Lord guaranteed that life will be hard for His servants, it is just that when we join Him where He is working, He makes some things fall into place, not for us but for His plan. (like you said – a lane change) And those things which are hard for us serve to grow us and prepare us for our future work which makes them all seem to fit into His plan (but not often ours ;) )
“may we all be become ‘more than ourselves’ by cheerfully choosing and comfortably roaming on The Outside”
Amen sister! Sounds like a book idea :)
Did you look in my heart today? This SOOOO spoke to me Lisa! How about you just come over for coffee tomorrow, so you can speak so more wisdom to me. Just kidding of course. Thank you so much for sharing this particular post, and reminding me of something I needed to hear
Great my friend. I think it would make a great chapter :-)
This post was incredible (say it with a french accent–sounds better)! I’m so glad that even though satan and this world try to make me feel worthless…my Father says I have so much worth.
Blessings~