‘Cute Shoes’ Online Discussion Group ~ Week One
At long last I welcome ministry wives and lay people alike to the discussion group for You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes..And Other Great Advice from an Unlikely Preacher’s Wife! (That’s quite a mouth full, huh? Brevity has never been my gift.) To my fellow PW’s, I hope you will find this book to be a girlfriend’s guide to everything I wish someone had told me about a life in ministry before I had to learn it the hard way.
To the dear lay people who have opted to join us in this discussion: You have no idea how thrilled I am that you are here! In my years in the church one thing of which I’m convinced is that we can not operate independently of one another and expect our relationships to thrive. I hope this outlet will be a forum of sorts where we can gain some mutual understanding on our perceptions of life inside the stain-glassed windows.
One last note before we get started. If you didn’t sign the roll call that by no means keeps you from this Discussion! Join along anytime you can. Our discussion for Week One will take place in the comments of this post. You will have until next Tuesday to log your responses here before next week’s assignment. Capiche? Also, for ease of identifying one another, be sure to begin each comment with your name, area of ministry/layperson, age, and state. I hope that will be an aid in our recognizing each other more fully each week. Also, if you don’t yet have your copy, there is a link in my sidebar with online/store front locations where it is available.
Let’s get to it!
Today we are going to cover Chapter One – His Calling Is My Calling, Too. In it I shared a great deal of Luke’s and my backstory in how God rescued our marriage and then planted our feet in ministry. Girlfriends, I could have written a whole book on that alone so know that I exercised great restraint to fit it in a couple pages. I love to hear the stories of surrender from you.
QUESTION ONE:
Ministry Wives: Give a brief background on how the Lord called you to ministry. Did you always know you would be a minister’s wife? Were you happy about it? Not?
Lay People: Have you personally witnessed the working of the Lord on a couple’s life and their subsequent call to service? What were some of the things you recognized in the couple that caused you to believe they would be called out?
The next portion of this scripture uses the relationship of Abraham and Sarah as the backdrop of how our own callings should be characterized.
QUESTION TWO:
Ministry Wives: Which of characterizations most resonated with you? (Called to trust, participate, or hope?)
Lay Wives: How did these areas apply to your own marriage relationships?
I’m going to leave it at these questions today since the answer to #1 could be lengthier. Feel free to call out anything else in this first chapter that really stuck with you.
Again, thank you for playing along. I absolutely can not wait to take this road trip with you!
I will be more than happy to share my experiences as a Pastor’s wife!
I actually surrendered to full time mininstry of the Lord all on my own. Funny, but actually about five years before I ever even knew that my hubby existed! I have to say that, yes….it was at a Carmen concert (you should have seen what I was wearing!!). I know, I know…but it was late 80:s early 90’s!
I remember being so freaked out!! See, my entire life (well, since my 4th grade teacher asked us what we want to be when we grew up) I knew that I wanted to be a nurse. I loved nursing school and I loved the thought of working as a nurse. Now, I was that person that would pray to the Lord and say “PLEASE, God, I’m not called to be a missionary”….I could only imagine that either I would become a nurse and get called to some far off land …far away from my “happy place” (Walmart—yes, I know…that’s another discussion how I LOVE WALMART!) or I would have to abandon my idea of nursing and become a youth pastor/children’s pastor. Which I also loved doing…..but…well, you get the idea.
Well, it wasn’t until I met my husband five years later that I finally “got it”. See, God was preparing my heart for this walk known as full time ministry….but in such a way that even I couldn’t see it back then. He was preparing me to be Jim’s helper. We have been Youth Pastors and now Children’s Pastors. Sure, Jim has the title and the responsiblity….but I’m right there beside him every step of the way! There isn’t one area of ministry that I haven’t been apart of with him. And I love it! I laugh and tell people all the time, that if my husband actually went to camp and on mission trips without me….well, I’d just sit home and bawl! We have raised our kids to participate as well. Now, of course, as a mom with young children, there have been times when for whatever reason, I couldn’t participate….but a dear sister in the ministry taught me such a great lesson about the “seasons” we go through. Sure, I’ve had some tough seasons, but it’s all been worth it!
I loved the first chapter of the book, Lisa! It helps me to see the other side of being married and then accepting the call together. JIm was about to graduate from Seminary when we met. So, I knew what I was getting when I married him….it’d be tough to make that change after the fact. tough…but still worth it! I wouldn’t trade my life for anything!!
Jan, pastor’s wife, age 54, Al
OHHHH where to start!! At age 10 my mom wanted me to learn how to play hymns on the piano so I took lessons for 5 yrs. (A divine appointment) Loved it! My dad didn’t go to church with Mom and the 4 kids so I prayed and prayed that one day my family would all be in church together. Later as a teenager I prayed to marry a preacher – he’d have to go to church with me!! Plus I wanted my children to have a father who trusted and loved the Lord. Unfortunately, I got away from the Lord in my late teens and early 20’s and started dating a guy who I found out later was a PK. He was also away from the Lord. We got married, rededicated our lives to Christ and four years later he announced his call to preach. I wasn’t surprised. I always kinda thought I might one day be a preacher’s wife. My favorite thing to play as a child was church (I was the song leader) I soon found out that my hubby was the sixth generation of preachers in his family. Since then my son has announced his call to preach making it the 7th generation. When God answers prayers does He ever answer prayers!!! I don’t always play the piano in church but I absolutely love music and love to play if they need me. But I’d rather teach the Word to my precious SS ladies !!! As far as question # 2, it has been an ordeal for me learning to fully trust the Lord. He has taken us on some rough paths but as a result our dependence on Him has gained momentum. I’m so thankful for your book. I’ve read it twice already! Your blog about returning home to minister hit a chord with me. I’ve often felt like it’s harder to be accepted in your home town as a preacher’s wife. They all know my past too well and some don’t realize how much of a change has taken place or how I’ve grieved over the sin in my life. Learning to trust .. . . . .
Emily
Preacher’s wife
29
Mississippi this week/Florida next week :)
(When my husband wants to know why our house is still unpacked I will inform him that I’ve been involved in a very important ministry discussion group. :)
I felt called to ministry at the age of 15 and even went forward and got prayed over and the whole deal. I had no idea what ministry I was called to. My Mama assumed God would send me as a missionary to Africa and had a small panic attack, but she is okay.
I married my high school sweetheart and he became a breadman to support our new family and my honeybun addiction. I battled serious depression for six years and during that time often doubted if I was still a Christian. God healed me of that depression, but I was convinced He had removed the call from my life. How could He use someone who had been through what I went through?
Just months after He healed me one of our ministry wives paid for me to go to a women’s conference. I went to have a weekend free of kids and dishes. Just bein’ honest. Well, God spoke to me that weekend and told me that He still had plans for me in ministry. I think that was in August or Sept. and then in February my husband and I had been teaching True Love Waits to the youth at our church and our pastor asked Josh to preach the ceremony service. My husband had also felt called to ministry at a young age, but had been running from that call. Our pastor told him that if he could do anything else and be happy he should. He tried. Well, that night after Josh preached our pastor asked him if he still felt the call. I still remember the ride home that night and the discussion we had at the drive-thru at Wendy’s. I knew life was about to change in big ways and it sure did!
God led us to Mississsippi to the middle of nowhere where we have served for 3 1/2 years. I can honestly say that even though we had been married for six years when we came here and had 2 kids we were still kids ourselves. God has grown us up SOOOO much. Bless our sweet people who have endured the growing pains with us. This coming Sunday will be our last Sunday here before God leads us to a new church family. We are leaving with 3 kids and with the kind of knowledge and experience you only get the hard way. But it’s been worth it!
Thank you so much for sharing your lessons learned Lisa! I especially appreciate you speaking freedom to this mom of little ones that it is okay that they are my main ministry right now. I look forward to hearing everyone’s stories!
.-= Emily Fidler´s last blog ..Let’s Not Use the "P" Word =-.
My husband has just surrendered to the ministry a few weeks ago. I love the way our church says “Surrendering to the ministry” . It was a battle, we surrendered. We knew years ago that God was calling my husband to the ministry but we were so fearful. We live in a small town and we have six children, our background by no means spoke ministry. We are just lost at this point as to what we are supposed to do, so we are starting school with Liberty University, we are starting with the basics, KNOWLEDGE, we feel that we will continue with the learning phase of our ministry and the Lord will let us know what to do from there. I am so excited that my husband is called into ministry, I cannot wait to see souls won to our Savior, that is what He came here for and I want to be a participant in winning others to Him.
Q #2- A life in the ministry ultimately calls us to one thing: a hope for a greater glory than current circumstances reveal. Lisa- You took what was in my heart and applied it to paper! Our circumstances show that we have not been called to the ministry but we know that God has called us to do so. We have such a greater hope of how God’s glory will be revealled in our lives. We are ready to get started as servants in the Kingdom of God! I cling to the hope that God has given us and we lean on his word for the confirmation that we need daily to get us through.
.-= Shana Hensley´s last blog ..Where do I go from here? =-.
Julie
preachers wife
39
AR
When my husband surrendered to the ministry we were just friends. I was hoping for something more but when he walked the aisle at church that day I knew there was no way we would be married. Not with my past.
But God is good and quite funny. He saw fit to put the two of us together. I knew that Stephen would be a minister of music at a church somewhere and I would be his wife. It was a great plan. And then, God called him to preach. That was not what I had in mind. At. All. But here we are married 16 1/2 years and he has been preaching for 8 1/2 of those years (the other 8 years he was a music minister.)
#2- I love the story of Sarah. I tend to laugh at God too. Thinking that there is no way He could make something outrageous happen. But He does. And it is great!
.-= Julie´s last blog ..Daybook March 2, 2010 =-.
Kay – 46 – Senior Pastor’s Wife – Sierra Vista, AZ
#1 – I was invited into the ministry by God just as I was about to graduate from college. I was shocked by this calling and floundered for a little while with it, especially since my parents weren’t too keen on the whole thing. My mom actually sent me to talk with my pastor about it, assuming he would talk me out of it. He didn’t, of course. He was thrilled with my decision. But he also made an ominous prediction that didn’t set well with me. He winked at me and said, “You know what’s going to happen when you go to seminary, don’t you?” I looked blankly at him and said something like, “Well, I’m going to get my master’s degree and go into ministry.” He shook his head and said, “You’re going to marry a preacher boy!” I was flabbergasted! I had NO INTENTION of marrying a preacher. That was the last thing on my mind.
I went to seminary, met my husband within the first month, got engaged in less than two months and we were married before the year was up!
So we were both called into the ministry separately and ended up getting to do the thing together. I’ve loved it – not every minute of it, that would be a lie – but I’ve loved being in ministry and being a pastor’s wife.
#2 – Because of the season of life I’m in, the call to participate really resonated with me. I’ve always participated completely in my husband’s ministry, probably more than many wives. But as of late, I’ve had to really check myself and make sure I’m participating in his ministry and not just doing my own thing. God has opened a lot of doors and, with my kids being almost grown, has paved the way for me to do more of my own ministry – writing, speaking, mentoring, etc. I know He has called me to these things and wants me to do them. But I know He also wants me to continue to support my husband and participate in our church ministry. It’s a fine line and a balance I have to work at constantly and very conscientiously.
Love the book, Lisa. I’m so glad you took that position that wives of ministers DO HAVE A CALLING, whether they’ve acknowledged it and are participating in it or not. I’ve been to ministers’ wives conferences and heard leaders of the conference say that some ministers’ wives are not necessarily called. I almost jumped out of my chair! Some may not have acknowledged that calling, but if your husband is called, there is no way God expects you just to do your own thing and cook meals and clean house. Ministry is indeed a package deal whether we like it or not.
Blessings to you!
Kay
.-= Kay´s last blog ..Of Co-Workers, Tent-Makers and Fellow Travellers =-.
Martie ~ 35 ~ Youth Pastor’s Wife ~ Indiana
QUESTION ONE:
No, I had NO idea I would someday be a pastor’s wife. I’ve gone to church since I was 3, but didn’t surrender my life to Him until i was 17. My husband had a very worldly college experience, and I wasn’t far behind. After we were married, he surrendered his life to Christ. What a blessed day! Little did I know the changes which were about to take place. Since my husband accepted Christ 12ish years ago, he has taken on the role of part-time Youth Pastor. He has also gone back to college to start & (finally) finish a Bachelor’s of Ministry degree. He is now planning to go to Seminary in the fall. Would I have ever guessed this? NEVER. Do I know this is where God is calling us? CERTAINLY.
QUESTION TWO:
Ministry Wives: Which of characterizations most resonated with you? (Called to trust, participate, or hope?)
I really appreciated Lisa’s discussion of Sarah. I want to re-read both her book and THE book to chew on that more. In this season, it’s the call to trust which speaks loudest to me (participate is right behind – – I do participate, but am I doing it with the right attitude???). I totally trust it is God calling us. I just wish I could see the road map! ;)
Lisa, thanks for a great book! I bought a copy for myself & my Pastor’s Wife (a dear friend). We are very much enjoying it.
Martie ~ 35 ~ Youth Pastor’s Wife ~ Indiana
QUESTION ONE:
No, I had NO idea I would someday be a pastor’s wife. I’ve gone to church since I was 3, but didn’t surrender my life to Him until i was 17. My husband had a very worldly college experience, and I wasn’t far behind. After we were married, he surrendered his life to Christ. What a blessed day! Little did I know the changes which were about to take place. Since my husband accepted Christ 12ish years ago, he has taken on the role of part-time Youth Pastor. He has also gone back to college to start & (finally) finish a Bachelor’s of Ministry degree. He is now planning to go to Seminary in the fall. Would I have ever guessed this? NEVER. Do I know this is where God is calling us? CERTAINLY.
QUESTION TWO:
Ministry Wives: Which of characterizations most resonated with you? (Called to trust, participate, or hope?)
I really appreciated Lisa’s discussion of Sarah. I want to re-read both her book and THE book to chew on that more. In this season, it’s the call to trust which speaks loudest to me (participate is right behind – – I do participate, but am I doing it with the right attitude???). I totally trust it is God calling us. I just wish I could see the road map! ;)
Lisa, thanks for a great book! I bought a copy for myself & my Pastor’s Wife (a dear friend). We are very much enjoying it.
Jenilee, Ohio, Children’s Ministry Wife
You did ask some big questions! :) Loved the book… I read it while working out on the treadmill, nodding, agreeing and laughing. :)
#1 – I felt called into the ministry when I was in 5th grade. Being in fulltime ministry was something I was excited about and something I worked towards through high school. I also knew that calling meant being a pastor’s wife. I fully understood the commitment and life I was saying yes to. Being a PK gave me a heads up! I met Jeremy at Bible College. He was called to be a missionary to Africa. I was NOT. I would not date him bc I did not want to go to Africa. But, in my praying, I realized that there was no real reason why I could not go to Africa. My reasons for saying no were selfish and made out fear. God showed me that I had a lot of excuses for saying I couldn’t go to Africa. From Jeremiah 1:5-10 God showed me that He had the answers to my fears and He would walk with me wherever He called me. I wrote “AFRICA” and the date by that verse. and we dated. In our dating conversations about a month later, Jeremy told me that his favorite verse, and a verse he felt called by, was Jeremiah 1:5-10. I went back to my dorm, looked up his verse and realized that it was also my verse. I have not looked back. I did not tell Jeremy about what happened with that passage of scripture until the day he proposed. God took my fears, my excuses and my “no’s” and turned them into an amazing marriage and ministry where He continues to open doors for us. We are not in Africa yet, but the day is coming soon.
#2 – I know that God has called me to trust. I have always participated fully in whatever area of ministry we are in and God continues to use me in new ways (I preached the main service last Sunday am… what???) Doing, living, breathing ministry comes naturally for me, but learning to trust God no matter what is an area that I will always be challenged in.
I so appreciated this book! Thanks for opening your story to us!
.-= Jenilee´s last blog ..Blog Parade! =-.
Tzigane, 33
In-Limbo Pastors Wife (searching for a new church home)
Missouri
#1. my husband felt his call to the ministry about 2 months after we began dating and he began pursuing that call. although i would say that i never really felt a specific call to the ministry, i did feel a call to being his wife and to me that meant going were he went and standing beside him in whatever he did. i can still remember a day about 4 months before he and i even started dating that i told one of my closest friends that i was going to marry him; which was laughable at the time because 1. he didn’t even know i existed and 2. we didn’t travel in the same circle. But when God has a plan nothing is going to stop it. And here we are, 17 1/2 years later! so i knew not long after the beginning of our relationship that i was marrying a Youth Pastor. that was easy for me to accept. the hard part was when he told me that he was feeling God calling him to be a Senior Pastor. wasn’t really ready for that and i am sad to say that i even doubted (not that he could do it, but that he was supposed to) and tried to deter him from pursuing it. but through a lot of growth and learning, i have moved to accepting and embracing that call.
#2. there are two characters in the Bible that I have always really connected with, Sarah (named our daughter after her, Sarai) and Hannah (if we have a 3rd girl this will be her name!). mainly because of their struggle with infertility and the strength and depth of their faith in God. Both of these women have spoken volumes into my life. I think one the things (there are many) that Sarah has taught me is that I need to trust in my husband and his leading. God has given him to me to lead and protect me. And I need to go with that. Not saying he won’t make mistakes or that I will always listen, but I try so hard. And trying to live out that absolute trust and faith in the Lord and the knowledge that He has a plan.
I would have to say that they all really spoke to me. Not only, but especially in the season we are in. Looking for a new church home has been difficult at times and it has taught both of us to lean on each other more and has strengthened out relationship with one another. Plus it has drawn us closer to the Lord.
.-= tzigane´s last blog ..Future Plans =-.
Marilyn~ Pastor’s Wife~ 43~ Washington State
First things first, I NEVER in my wildest dreams, EVER, imagined that I would EVER be a Preacher’s Wife!!! Am I clear on that??!!! :D Neither my husband or myself grew up in Christian homes, and we came to know the Lord in our late 20’s.
God began working on Rick’s heart about a call to ministrty about a year or so before He started talking to me about it. Or maybe I should be honest and say, about a year or so before I started to LISTEN to what He was telling both of us!! Let me just try to keep it brief (well….more brief!!) by saying that was a pretty miserable year or so for us. We argued a LOT over every little thing, and my husband got little to no sleep a lot of the time. God would just not let him rest!!
Rick began to fill some lay person roles in the church, but was still not satisfied that was what the Lord was telling him to do. And I just kept my blinders on and my ears plugged, all the while praying, “Lord, help him to discover what You want out of him!!” Mostly so I could have some “peace” in my household!! I attended a Ladies Retreat with our church when God REALLY opened my eyes and ears to what he had in mind for BOTH of us!! I remember our Pastor’s wife was teaching a session and talked about how sometimes we squelch the Spirit because we are afraid to leave our comfort zones! I went for a walk alone later that day, after some VERY interesting events that I won’t go into because of length, and God so clearly spoke to me as I was once again praying for my husband, He just so gently said, “Oh Marilyn, don’t you see? I am not only calling your husband, but I am calling you as well. I need both of you in the ministry”. Within 2 weeks, we were at our first assignment across town at a different church where Rick became the Youth Pastor. I am so thankful for God’s patience with us, and yes, I still sometimes feel bad for being so beligerant for over a year as my husband begged and pleaded with God for direction. Little did I know, He was just waiting for me to come on board!!
I think the part of Chapter one that resonated the most with me is that we are called to trust. From the very beginning, I have felt that is a key word in our ministry. We have only been on staff at two churches in over 12 years of ministry, but there have been countless times when the word “trust” has been my battle cry. From our children, to Seminary, to the ever present Financial concerns, trusting and being assured of God’s faithfulness have been daily instrumental in our lives.
*can I just say that I am LOVING this book??!! It is just so real and authentic and really is like girlfriends sitting down and having a deep-hearted chat!!! My book is already getting highlighted and marked up, but I will be looking for more as gifts to friends in the ministry!! :D
Beth-Pastor’s Wife-50-Georgia
Beth-Pastor’s Wife-50-Georgia
OK I hit the wrong key to start this with and ended up taking up #12.
I was called into the ministry when I was in GA’s as a young girl. I knew that I would be a pastor’s wife or a missionary. My heart has always been in sharing Jesus with my friends. Before I met my husband, I knew he was the one that I would marry. You see, we were both engineering majors and I had another friend that gave me physics papers to use as a study guide. Those papers belonged to my now husband. I can remember just like it was yesterday when God spoke to me in my walk in closet and said Jim is the man you will marry. I had never seen or met Jim. Our paths would cross many times after that. You see, I lived next door to one of his long time friends. He would come to visit and there I would be, in my doorway or coming home from the pool. We took a trip with a group of engineers and talked the whole way to and from the event. We had the same goals and dreams for our family such as family devotions, church attendance and love for the Lord. Needless to say we married, neither of us had a job but God wasn’t finished with us. I worked for the “Baptist Book Store” and he swept floors and bailed foam but we found a church and became active. He was a Christian but had never been baptized and was baptized on palm sunday before our Easter Musical in the first year we were married. God worked miracles in our lives and after 9 years in one place moved us to another state because of job opportunities. He didn’t want to move and stated that he was 90% sure we wouldn’t move but I suggested we pray about it first. WE MOVED. God had to get us to a place where he could work in my husband’s heart. My husband worked more at his new job and we had less. I continued to take my children to church on Wednesday’s and stay active in God’s word. He finally realized that doing it on his own was not going to get it so he finally surrendered to do whatever God wanted him and our family to do. You see, he was running from God because he knew what God wanted him to do and he did’t like the prospect of school or writing. (Engineers remember). We worked full time jobs and did volunteer missions in a Mobile home ministry for about 6 years. Loved the people and the ministry. During this time he went to Seminary through NOBTS extension program and I continued to keep the home fires burning. We are now in our first full time church and God has done some amazing things to get us there. Our son who was only 9 at the time prayed that God would find his daddy a church close to home so we wouldn’t have to move. GOD DID! The next day the church called and as the saying goes the rest is history. We have served for 7 years. Some days have been tough but I continue to see God’s hand in all we do and have done. We are seeing a new growth surge right now. How exciting is that.
As the PW I wear many hats. Sometimes (like right now) I lead the music, teach SS, Bible Study, Vacation Bible School or whatever direction God is leading at the moment. My children are almost out of the house (21&17)so God continues to open new doors for me in ministry. I am basically shy but God is working on that as well. He keeps putting me in situations that require me to speak. Being where God wants me to gives me the strength to carry on.
Lisa, Thanks for the book. It is such a blessing to me and you are such a special person. I look forward to the future discussions.
Amy-Pastor’s Wife-I turn 33 this week!!!-Oregon
I was born into the ministry. My dad became a pastor five years before I was born and is still serving to this day. When I was in ninth grade, I heard that our church was not going to have a junior high youth group because they could not find any leaders. I boldly told my dad I would lead it. My dad found another couple in the church and the three of us entered the beginning of what was the beginning of my youth ministry journey. I grew to love youth ministry and middle school kids. I knew God was calling me to be a youth pastor.
Shortly after this time our church (and denomination as well) went through a rough transition. Many churches split or left our denomination due to a variety of issues. I never walked away from my faith and clung to God’s truth tightly, but I was very, very bitter towards the church and my own church in particular. I knew I wanted to do youth ministry, but not work for a church.
In college I met Rob who also wanted to go into the ministry. He wasn’t sure in what area–senior pastoring, youth ministry or missions. While we were dating we felt a strong pull towards missions. By my senior year I felt God was calling me to work in a church. My fears and pain from the past was swept away and I was given a tremendous peace. I served as a youth director in a wonderful church in Michigan for four incredible years while my husband finished college and went to seminary. We then moved to Oregon after he graduated and he is now the senior pastor. I am now a stay at home mom to three kids under four and that is mostly what I do. But I’ve been involved in youth ministry, children’s ministry, and fellowship groups when I am able.
I love what you say about being “called to trust.” God will provide us with everything we need in every season of life. I struggle with knowing my children being PK’s might go through some of the things my siblings and I went through. It is so hard to put our children into God’s hands and say, “Here they are. Take them.” I can love them, nurture them, hold them, reassure them. But I can’t change their heart. I cannot grant them salvation. I cannot make them love the church the way I do even if they go through a period where they hate it (like I did). I have to trust that God has given the kind of childhood He has given them and He will provide for them just as He has provided for me.
.-= Amy´s last blog ..The past month =-.
God called me to be a minister’s wife the summer between my eighth and ninth grade years at the first youth camp I had ever been to. I had been a Christian for about six months at the time, but I was very sure about this calling. I met my husband six years later, when I was a Junior in college and he was a grad student getting his MBA. The only reason I went out with him long enough to fall in love with him was an off-hand comment (which he doesn’t remember making) about maybe going into full-time ministry one day. As our relationship progressed, I saw God’s hand in it, and I loved him, so I married a banker. For years I thought I had misunderstood God that summer at camp. Until a few years ago. Paul began to consider going into paid ministry. (He had been doing lay ministry for some time.) And a year and a half ago, he was offered a job on the staff of the church we attend. I was excited to see how God worked in both of us to confirm that this is where we should be. So the initial call was fun! But as God is showing us what might be the next step in our journey of serving Him, I admit I’m a little scared.
So the characterization of Sarah that most resonates with me is the call to trust. I read this after a rather fear-filled discussion of where God may next lead us, and I was really convicted. I realized I need to trust my husband to make good decisions for our family. I need to trust him not to take on so many responsibilities that he has no time left for our family. And I need to trust that God can merge both of my callings – as a pastor’s wife and as a homeschool mom (which for me was just as much of a calling as a call to ministry).
.-= April´s last blog ..Olympic Fever! =-.
Peggy
Pastor’s Wife
57
Rio de Janeiro (Brazil)
Question #1
I don’t think I ever expected to become a pastor’s wife, because I didn’t expect to marry. From the time I was just a little girl, I dreamed of being a missionary, always seeing myself as single. That’s exactly how things worked out. I served as a missionary volunteer right out of college and then returned to study at the seminary and by the time I was 30 I was living in Brazil as a career single missionary. I was happy with my ministry and calling.
All that changed when I fell in love with my very own pastor! At the age of 40 I married my minister (a Brazilian pastor)!
Before our marriage, I was very sure that God had called me to this change of direction. I had to be, for although I was head over heels in love with João, and very much wanted to marry him, I knew there was more at stake than being in love. He was a pastor and I had to be very sure God had called me to be a pastor’s wife. I had been in ministry long enough to have a pretty good idea of what that entailed.
I married my husband as a very committed and called Pastor’s wife. That was 17 years ago and I LOVE being a pastor’s wife. There have been challenges for me, especially when I resigned all my leadership roles here in Brazil to move to Canada and then some years later, did the very same thing to return to Brazil.
There is nothing I love better than to hear the people at our church, say they can tell how much I love my husband and how important my support is for his ministry. I am so glad I said YES to God and YES to my husband.
Question #2
I really resonated with the issue of “Participation”. Like one of other wives in this discussion, my problem has never been not participating enough, but participating too much!
Our current church is very large and my husband, as senior pastor, carries a very heavy load. I have chosen to step “back” from leadership and give him all the support he needs. I have been shocked to discover how hard it has been for me to stay in the shadows, out of the limelight.
So I understood when the book talked about feeling like Cinderella ( doing such things grocery shopping, hosting dinners, housing guest speakers, ironing 14 dress shirts per week, cleaning the house, paying all the bills, etc.), while my husband is out doing all the good ministry stuff. I’ve always been a conference leader and teacher myself and I found it challenging to be full time housekeeper and secretary to provide the calm oasis that my husband desperately needed.
The words from the book: “your participation in his call is not only nice but necessary for him to effectively live out what God will do through him”, reminded me once again, that it is NO sacrifice to serve as I have been called to serve.
In the past year or so, our church has finally added other ministers to our church staff, which has taken some load off my husband and given me the joy of caring for these families and mentoring the wives. Hopefully, we will help each other learn more about participating in our husbands’ ministries.
.-= Peggy Fonseca´s last blog ..A Very Bad Mommy =-.
Donna – Associate Pastor’s Wife – 31 – Australia
#1
I always wanted to be involved in ministry and was working for a parachurch organisation and studying at Bible College when my husband and I began dating. I never thought of myself as a ‘ministry wife’ as such, but always had the desire to serve the Lord together with my husband. But when we were dating my husband was studying psychology and had no real plans to move into ministry and so {cringe} I actually broke up with him! Thankfully God remedied my mistake and brought about an opportunity where my husband-to-be could explain to me that while he didnt know what the future would hold, he was 100% committed to serving God whether it be in secular or christian work. 10 years later we are very happily married and he has been a pastor for 2 years :).
He didnt have to be a minister for God to use us a couple, but I am very glad we get to serve Him full time now instead of just in our spare time!
#2
I am always keen to trust and see what God will do when we take steps of faith, and I feel like God has always allowed me to participate in seeing and joining Him in His work in other people’s lives, but the characteristic He is most busy at working in me is hope. I love the quote on page 40,
“He never promises our lives won’t hurt, but you know what? He will always cushion us. Certainly there are hard days, but in the midst of them you will find laughter, just like Abraham and Sarah did. Sometimes those giggles you share will be born out of pure joy and at other times from incredulous disbelief. The thing to always remember is that you and your husband are in this thing together.”
Facing tough times TOGETHER and sharing the hope of Gods presence, protection and provision is what will keep us strong as a couple and able to face all that is ahead.
Necoe
Prof. Wife
34
Ok
1. I like to tell people that Alan and I were able to work through things when we were young, because of my naivety. We were high school sweet hearts, both surrendered to the Lord in our teens. The night he felt his call to ministry was the last night he got drunk, so I was pleased more about the victory than I had any thought given to what that might mean for our future. I have always felt like as a couple we are called together. God will confirm in me what he is leading Alan to do. So we got married, went to Bible college. While there we both served in ministry to children and youth together. After graduation, we moved to TN for seminary. He served as a youth pastor and I helped organize him, but also found areas to serve in as well. After his MDiv, we moved again for PhD work, and this is where he served formally as a Pastor. I never viewed myself as the “pastor’s wife”, but me. In fact we both tried to go out of our way to not tell people “who” we were, because they always treated us differently. I guess I view my call as a Christian as a call to be a minister in the capacity and season I am in. No matter what Alan does I am his helper. Now we are regular “lay people” and I still view what I do as his help-mate.
2. the characteristic that most resonates with me is….all of the above. There is one time in particular that sticks out in my mind, and it deals more with trust. It was a time that I had to stare into the ugly face of myself and the anger I felt toward God. I blamed Him for my anger and I was furious that I was in the predicament that I was in. On the one hand I had all the versus and promises of God’s provision, love, and care. I could teach forwards and backwards on such things, and had seen in MANY ways God do mighty things, but during this time I had given up. I was to fed up. In the coming months I discovered afresh that God is more than the now. I wish I had the words to express all that I learned about myself (which is ugly) and Him (which is beyond the words of beauty). He restored my broken heart into a heart that relearned to trust and wait.
.-= Necoe´s last blog ..Spring Fever =-.
Mary Jo – Youth Pastor’s Wife – 30 – SW Missouri
1. I had NO idea that I’d be a minister’s wife. :) My husband and I were friends for years before we started dating, and he had plans to be a lawyer all along. Shortly before we started dating, he thought he might actually go into government work with the FBI/CIA – our parents live just outside of Washington, DC so this isn’t as crazy as it sounds. :) However, God kept closing doors that logically shouldn’t have been closed. It was during this time that he really felt God calling him to the ministry. My father-in-law has been in the ministry for all of my husband’s life, so my husband had really seen the good, bad, and ugly sides of church life. He really fought God on his call to ministry, but ultimately accepted it…just in time for us to get engaged. :) We got married and moved to Texas so Scott could attend seminary. From there he was a youth pastor in Austin, Texas, and has recently taken a new position as youth pastor/family life director in SW Missouri.
2. I really identified with the Participation section of this chapter. I taught elementary school before I became a mom. I loved my job and loved elementary school-aged children. I didn’t think that I wanted anything to do with the (crazy) junior and senior high school students that my husband worked with as an associate youth pastor. I was soon asked to teach the 12th grade girls Sunday School class with the youth pastor’s wife (because there was no one else stepping up) and really fell in love with those girls. It was definitely God’s way of showing me that I could identify with high school students! Even though we have a 2-year old, I am always right alongside my husband with almost all of our youth events, etc. It’s been a wild ride, but I’ve loved (most of) it! :)
.-= Mary Jo´s last blog ..I love the internet… =-.
Cheryl- Pastor’s Wife- 38- Ga.
I never dreamed that I would be married to a preacher! Especially since I was a divorced, single mom with 2 small children. When Steven and I met, he had been in the ministry for almost 15 years. He experienced seminary, his first pastorate, being on staff at a large church, all as a single man.We were a part of the Singles group at First Baptist Woodstock. When it was becoming obvious to others that there was some chemistry between us, and in order to spare me a broken heart, some of my dear friends told me that Steven had, in the past, made a comment like, “I don’t think God would lead me to marry someone who’s been divorced.” I looked at my dear friends and with a godly confidence said, “well, that was before he met me!”
Later, when I asked Steven if he ever made that comment, he informed that it had totally been taken out of context. Oh, the dynamics of a singles ministry!Anyway, It’s pretty safe to say that I knew that when Steven and I married, I would be marrying into the ministry!
At this point in our lives, I definitely related to the call to hope. We are waiting on God to open the next door of ministry for us and as we wait, i have to keep reminding myself that God really does have our best interest at heart. If we delight in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart. A hope and a future, that’s what we’re hanging on to!
Love you dearly girl!! And absolutely loving this book!
.-= cheryl´s last blog ..The Brady Bunch House =-.
Lynn Donovan Age 49 – Temecula, CA
I am not a preachers wife. In fact, I am married to an unbeliever. I have loved reading each of your stories and delight how much our Lord works in our lives. Like you Lisa, I am an unlikely girl, whom God has called to serve in ministry. Who woulda thunk it??? spirituallyunequalmarriage.com
My book is on backorder from Christianbook.com. I can’t wait to read it. Hugging all of you, Pastor’s wives. You have many challenges most of us don’t understand and yet you remain faithful. Lynn
.-= Lynn´s last blog ..Who’s in the Lead? =-.
Beth – Youth Pastor’s Wife in McCalla, AL
newlywed!
Donna–senior pastor’s wife in Georgia
I married a disc jockey back in 1986. The plan was for hubby to make it big in the radio business and we would live in Atlanta. What a ride this 24-year marriage has been!
Both of us went on the Walk to Emmaus in 1998, and upon returning, I knew that my husband woiuld be called into the ministry. It took him another two years to realize that I was right. In 2000, he began serving a United Methodist church that boasted about 9 members (no, that is not a type-o) and continued teaching middle school. As you all know, there are no small churches. All of them require constant attention and shepherding. During that time, I worked in another church as program diirector. Let me just say that it is never, ever a good idea for a ministry couple to be in two separate churches.
Nowadays, we are together at our third appointment, and I am so grateful for what God has done through my husband’s ministry and in my heart and mind. I do not believe I would ever have come to love Christ as much as I do had my husband not been called. I believe that God uses his people to minister to the ministers and ministry families just as much as He does for the shepherd to lead the flock.
I am so very grateful for this life that God has given us. I am eternally humbled by the calling.
#1 – I never dreamed I would be a Pastor’s Wife or in ministry. Never! When I met my husband twenty years ago, I was a divorced, single mom of a precious 18 month old. My husband was a meat cutter. To quit honest, I felt like I wore the “scarlet letter” on my chest and was often reminded by “church” folks of my limitations due to my divorce. I always thought only “perfect” people could be in the ministry (now I KNOW better!!! lol).
As we grew in Christ, my husband and I knew without a doubt the Lord had called him to preach and to ministry. However, we were once again reminded of his limitation to be “called” due to my divorce. Praise The Lord, He had other plans for us.
After many years of praying and seeking Godly counsel, The Lord spoke very clearly (in many ways) that we were to start a church (church plant). We were shaking in our shoes but we wanted to obey The Lord at any cost. Five years ago we started a non-deno. church in our den with 20 people and 2 dogs. Since then we have grown in faith and numbers. My husband has been ordained and God has worked in ways we could never imagine. We often laugh saying “ We have no clue what we are doing. It is all God’s work, but we have front row seats”. All we knew was like Abraham, God told us to “go” and He’d show us the rest.
Lisa- I appreciated your story about being unlikely candidates for ministry (the miracle of your husband being accepted to college despite his high school situation).
#2 – The trusting part is most certainly the characterizations that resonated with me most. Regardless of our past, our situations, or what others may say, The Lord has called us to trust Him above all! He will never fail us nor forsake us.
I praise The Lord for allowing me to join Him in His Kingdom work. What a privileged!
.-= Becky´s last blog ..Say What ?? =-.
Hello! I am just stopping by to congratulate you on being in the top 100 Christian Women Blogs of 2009! I can see why for sure! You have a wonderful blog! : ) I am going to spend some more time here as I am also a PW and a fairly new one at that! : )
Michelle…Preacher’s wife…36…TN
Absolutely. No. Way. Was. I. Going. To. Marry. A. Preacher. Doctor or Lawyer? Maybe. Definitely not a preacher. Clearly, I didn’t consider this when I chose to attend college in West Tennessee at a school renown for training great preachers. So, lets call it a wash, shall we….I married a lawyer, who also is a preacher. Yes, I know…that can’t exist….heard them all ladies!! Unlike many of you who have commented ahead of me, I had no thought of being or desire to be a preachers wife. But, clearly, I am not running this show. I knew that he was planning to attend law school and pursue a carrer as an attorney. I also knew that this man I loved was an excellent preacher and wanted to use his God given abilities to spread The Word. We have been married for 15 years, and he has preached all but three of those years. He has been the pulpit minister at the congregation we now work with for 5 years. I only recently gave up and surrendered to the fact that I am actually a preacher’s wife. It was easy for me to overlook….he has a full time job that has nothing to do with being a preacher…the congregation knows that he has a full time job that has nothing to do with being a preacher….oh, wait…they think of him as “the preacher”….um, that must leave me looking like a……yep…”the preacher”‘s wife. A few months after this little revelation, I walked into the bookstore, turned down the first isle, and there it was…..Thank you, Lisa…..you and your shoes were right there when I needed you most.
As for your discussion of Sarah, I think that what you say on page 40 really sums it up for me…..”The thing to always remember is that you and your husband are in this thing together. There is no part of what God intends to do through either of you that isn’t intimately intertwined with the love and support of the other.” This realization that I am the preacher’s wife has already transformed my relationship with God and my husband. I know HE has a lot for us to do for HIM and now I have my heart and mind going in the right direction.
Amy
30something
someday P wife lol
oh got the call the other week! :P so not even sure where to begin on anything… I’ll try and join you and see what I can glean from all of these lovely ladies here!
Congrat’s on the award as well! :)
I just saw that you were nominated, too! Congratulations, Lisa! I’m honored to know you! I’m very excited for you!
So much love,
Angie in Michigan!
xoxo
Tara
Senior Pastor’s Wife
32
What a blessing it has been to read your book! It was hard for me to put it down, so I’ve already read the whole thing! :) Being that we’re going through a very difficult time in ministry right now, your words and been very encouraging and challenging. Thank you.
I felt God leading me into full-time ministry when I was in high school. I did not know exactly what God desired of my life, but I did have a desire to marry a pastor. One summer, while working on staff with a youth camp (called Centrifuge) , I met my husband who was a youth pastor in FL at the time. I knew from the start that he was someone special. After only 10 months of long distance dating, we were married and I moved to FL to begin my journey with him. After nearly 9 years of marriage, I love my husband more now than I ever have….I am truly blessed.
I really appreciate what Necoe said in her entry. I, too, don’t necessarily feel like a pastor’s wife. I am just a sinner trying to be obedient to God’s calling just as any other believer. I desperately want those that attend our church to see me as a real person….a sinner saved only by God’s amazing grace.
.-= Tara´s last blog ..Sacrifice =-.
Oh, my! I’ll tell you the ONE thing I was NEVER going to be: a pastor’s wife.
NO WAY, not me, never, EVER.
I married a deejay; we played music and had a light show, and catered to wedding receptions, school dances, proms, company parties, etc.
In 2003, we began working with the youth group at our church, just as leaders. Our youth pastor and his wife were some of our dearest friends.
And then, he had the nerve to get another job. And move. Away. Leaving the only other adults involved in the youth in charge.
Us.
So, in 2004, when our first daughter was 2 weeks old, my husband became the interim youth pastor. We took our first group of students to Falls Creek church camp, when the summer before we were simply leaders. (I don’t remember much of that week, m’kay?)
By October, my husband was put on as part-time youth pastor, he began Seminary in January ’05, and was ordained as a pastor in March 2005. Thus, making me a {gasp, shudder, oh-stink!} pastor’s wife.
The ONE thing I was NEVER going to be.
Needless to say, I have been assured hundreds of times since that ordination of God’s sense of humor.
I have realized now, that I was not called when my husband was called. I simply “came along for the ride.”
In the past 6 years of ministry, we have hit many, many bumps; most of them caused by me and my type-A, take-charge personality. I have completely stepped back from most forms of ministry simply because I have control issues that I need to take care of first.
I am, however, hopeful, as I venture slowly back into the role I want to be in: my husband’s wife and helper. I’m not quite trusting yet, but my heart is healing, and I see the light at the end of the tunnel! I am slowly letting go of things, and allowing God to take them from me.
I can also see how God is using all that has happened, and HOW it happened for His glory… and in a special and unique way to call ME to ministry.
Thanks for letting me share! This series is going to be fantastic!
.-= Amy @ Amy Loves It!´s last blog ..What is Balance? =-.
First off, let me tell you, God is SO faithful and good!! He amazes me every, single day! I have been praying and praying for some sort of communication/relationship with Pastors’ wives for awhile now. Last night, a family member of mine just handed me this book. She said she saw it and felt like I should read it. Last night!! So, as I read through the introduction this afternoon, I thought I would look up Lisa McKay. And here I am, right at the beginning of the book, right at the beginning of a discussion about it, with Pastor’s wives! Wow. God, You truly are amazing!! :-)
My name is Mindy. I am 28 years old and have been a Pastor’s wife for almost 9 years, in Denver, Colorado. And no, I had no idea what God had in store for my life. My husband is a third generation Pastor, who knew what he was called to since early on in life. He has been the Youth Pastor of our church for almost 12 years and became Co-Pastor a couple of years ago. We met when I was 18, as he led the young adult ministry, as well. I was kind-of in and out of our church at the time because of having a church of my own, as well as going off to college. God kept bringing me back, however, and to make a REALLY long story short, we ended up marrying when I was 20. Because he came from a full-time ministry home and I did not, there were MANY meetings before we got married with his parents, making sure I was up to the challenge. Of course I was; I was in love with this man!! Little did I know what full-time ministry was and even more, who a Pastor’s wife was suppose to be! I have known the Lord my whole life and sought after Him, most of the time, diligently. But I had no idea what it was going to be like to live in the shoes that I have lived in for almost 9 years. Because I was so young when I got married, there were many times I thought, “God, there’s no way this is what I’m called to be or do. How will I ever survive?” I suffered for the first years of our marriage with depression and an anxiety like I have never had before. With lots of prayer and desperation, God rescued me and restored much of my heart. However, I still felt so alone. With so many wonderful people in my life, I could find no one, (besides my husband, of course), to confide in. They were all people that were confiding in me! As we began having children the split heart happened. I so desired to be there, right next to my husband, ministering alongside; however, my heart was also with my kids, wanting to nurture them and protect them and do all the things God has called me to do as a mother. It wasn’t until recently that God has reminded me of my number one calling right now: Mother. I am so happy and have such a peace in that, but I do know that I also have to stand beside my hubby in all that he does. Trying to find the balance is what I’m in search for. Maybe that’s why God has led me to you all. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are ALL an answer to my deepest prayer. I am so excited to read the book and learn from some of you who have been doing it for years, as well as those who are learning as you go, (like me). Blessings to you!!
Patty
44
Pastor’s wife
SC
Our calling began right after we were married, and continued until my husband surrendered 3 years later (after a tree fell through our roof and we took it for the sign that it was!). We didn’t know where to begin so we started out at the children’s home being house parents. Clearly, that was not where we needed to be! As we made our escape, heartbroken that we had so disappointed God (not really, but in our immature minds we had!), we were determined to do better. Steve was an engineer before that and he returned to the same company we had left while we began to seek the Lord’s will. He was called several months later to be a youth pastor part-time. We didn’t appreciate the lessons that we learned there from the pastor until many years later. Steve stayed in bi-vocational ministry for another 6 years before going full-time.
Throughout this journey, I’ve known that my calling has been to support Steve in this adventure God has set us on. Wherever that leads……and Oh, MY! has it lead to some very interesting places and events! There have been many times that I have felt like throwing in the towel, but overall life in ministry,while hard, is so worth the sacrifice.
Trust has always been an issue for me, and it has taken me a good 18 years to learn that God really does care enough about me to have my best interest at heart. When we were called to our current location at a small church, it was such a peaceful homecoming. By homecoming, I mean that I felt we had finally allowed God to lead us exactly where and in His time we needed to be. This congregation has been such a blessing to us. We are in the throes of another journey…..that God is leading us through….the journey to adopt (we already have 3 kids–two of whom are adults). Talk about trusting! He is bringing me to a whole new place with a whole new appreciation for His timing and grace for our lives! Exciting and wonderful, yet scary and challenging!
I love this conversation. I long for fellowship with other pastor’s wives and so appreciate your facilitating this!
.-= Patty´s last blog ..relationships review =-.
Cindi, 40, Associate Pastor’s wife (current church) and fellow church planter (in the works), Panama City, FL
I had to MAKE myself not buy this book until my current course is over (I plan to turn in my final exam tomorrow night). I KNEW that I would spend my time reading this book instead of my actual course books…its been hard to resist the temptation. I found the first chapter of this book online at Lifeway…
1. Give a brief background on how the Lord called you to ministry. Did you always know you would be a minister’s wife? Were you happy about it? Not?
I was not saved until I was 26, so the last thing I ever thought I’d be was a pastor’s wife. I was planning to divorce Dave. One night, I had what I thought was a *CRAZY* thought. I was planning what I needed to do to leave and my husband was wretching over the toilet…he’d come home drunk again. The Lord told me that I was not going anywhere…that when Dave was in his early 30’s he’d get saved and preach my word.” I laughed and thought…what a crazy thought… Well, 6 years later, Dave DID get saved (he was 32) and a year after that, he surrendered to the ministry. The Lord healed our marriage. I was really excited about this…not having a clue what *ministry* was all about. It has been like “Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride” all along…but it has never been dull or boring. The Lord has been good to us…but we have been through some stuff. The Lord definitely calls us to step out on faith…We have learned to say OK, and be okay with not knowing all the details.
2. Which of characterizations most resonated with you? (Called to trust, participate, or hope?)
I don’t have a problem trusting the Lord with SOME stuff…its the unknown that I struggle with in some areas–more about the details, not the big picture. Sometimes, I am guilty of trying to control situations … I can relate to Sarah when she tried to make it happen before its due time.
Rachelle
29
Youth Pastor, Worship Leader
Well…..I grew up a PK – my whole life my parents were pastors- they still are, so I was always involved in ministry in one way or another. I didn’t necessarily give thought as to whether or not I’d be a preacher’s wife, I think during a brief, “I can’t handle living in the fish bowl!” phase, I might have thought – “I will never be married to a pastor!” but it was brief and my experiences growing up in the ministry were on the whole, positive.
My husband and I were both working “regular” jobs and volunteering in our respective church’s youth ministry when we met. We lived in two different cities and were attending two different churches, me at my parent’s church and him at the church he grew up in. We had both always felt called to students. While we were dating, my husband felt God calling him to “my” church.
After we were married, we took a time out from church volunteering. We were coming on Sundays and basically that was it.(my idea, not his).
My husband began to feel a tug towards involvement in youth ministry at our church. He saw a need and felt that God was directing us towards it. When he told me,I have to admit, I was at first, reluctant,– my first thought was “I have been volunteering like my whole life, for once I just wanted to come to church and sit like everyone else.” I was being selfish- but God was working on my heart, and I began to miss ministering – around this time we began to become more involved in the student ministry at our church (at this time the youth pastor was a volunteer parent). I was feeling the pull too, and in a few short months, my parents asked us to become the interim youth ministers when the position suddenly opened. God was so gracious and patient with me – the invitation came after I was ready to totally commit- my husband had already been ready. We both knew it was what we were supposed to do, just a few months after that, we came on staff as the full time student ministry pastors.
#2Called to trust resonated with me- it can be HARD for me to trust sometimes.
Tanya-Church planter’s wife-39(really)-CA
#1- Growing up in the church as a deacon’s daughter, I always knew I would marry a minister of some kind. When I got engaged to a man who was doing music ministry, I figured this was what my life would be. Then 2 months before our wedding, we both knew the call was for pastoral ministry. Since I am probably the most introverted/shy person on the face of the planet, this has been a difficult task for me. I am definitely not the “typical” preacher’s wife-I don’t even sing or play any instrument. But God has shown me that he can grow you to be what he needs you to be and he gave me my personality so he knew what he was doing when he called us. :)
#2-Since I already mentioned my extreme shyness and lack of some of the talents that some churches expect of the PW, the call to participate has at times been difficult for me. But God in his infinite love and wisdom, has helped me to develop my own forms of ministry that have supported Mike’s ministry. Those ministries have changed with my life seasons. God made me like I am to fill some very specific roles in our ministry together and I need to remind myself of this at times.
Rachel
25
Youth Pastor’s Wife
MS
I felt called into ministry my senior year of college. When we got engaged I suspected God was calling my husband to a life of ministry as well. I was too smitten with the boy and excited to see what God would do to consider all the complications of vocational ministry. It was better off that way- if I had realized all I was getting into, I might have dug my heals in like the stubborn mule I am.
The aspect that most resonated with me was the call to hope. In the everyday struggles of ministry it’s easy to let the hard stuff overwhelm me. I loved Lisa’s reminder of the big picture. A wise woman in ministry reminded me last weekend that when things get difficult, her husbands asks her these two questions:
1. Is Jesus still Lord?
2. Are people still lost?
Sometimes it takes simplifying my circumstances to refocus on what really matters.
.-= rachel h´s last blog ..another year older =-.
**edited to add** the wise woman in ministry only had one husband :)
.-= rachel h´s last blog ..another year older =-.
Dana (29)
wife to Nate, solo church planter
Mom to 3 boys
Virginia
I’m late to the discussion, b/c of a crazy sick week last week, but I’m here! :)
No, I did NOT know my husband was going to be a pastor. In fact, he wasn’t saved when we got married! I was, and have been a Christian since birth (one of those raised in the church people). Nate wasn’t antagonistic toward the Lord, but he didn’t much like the church. Ironic, huh? Shortly after he came to the Lord, I asked him if he had ever thought about being a pastor. I’ve never known anyone to be so hungry and love spending time in the word so much!
My issue wasn’t with being a pastor’s wife, it was with the particular group of people who we are working with. There is a lot of history, and I had (and still have) some major concerns with trust and true dedication. Plus, I loved the church where we were serving and was really involved in the children’s ministry there. But it’s working out so far, so I guess I was wrong!
Dana
.-= Dana´s last blog ..Housekeeping, Day 2: Just do it =-.
Nadia
33
Minister’s Fiancé’/Wife-To-Be on April 17, 2010
Who Dat Nation!!!
My apologies, Ladies, for being “Tardy for the Party!!!”
Brief…I’ll try. The Lord “officially” called me to ministry the night my fiancé’ proposed. As he and the other patrons in the restaurant began singing “I’ve come to the garden alone…” I received my confirmation from God that not only was this man to be my husband, but I his wife and thus married to the ministry.
Me, minister’s wife??? Me, anybody’s wife??? I am an only child, single, very independent and reserved. I do not meet the stereotypical PW profile. Yet, I am delighted that “many are called; Chosen are few.” ~Matthew 22:14.
All 3 characterizations resonated with me (called to trust, participate, and hope). I like to place them in the following order: Trust, Hope, and Participation. Ironically enough, I trust my fiancé’. I know that he is following God and as a result, I am following him. My trust issues lay within. Although I acknowledge that my newly appointed role as a PW will come with good and bad, my prayer is that I will observe what is for us, as well as what is against us. That I am able to recall to my mind, therefore having hope ~ Lamentations 3:21. Lastly, I share the sentiment of being one to overly participate; I pray that I participate solely through the spirit as opposed to obligation while using my spiritual gifts.
Misty, Youth Pastor, Arkansas
I did not know that I would one day be a pastor’s wife. Many people had said
that I would make a good pastor’s wife but I would just laugh and shrug it off.
I accepted Christ when I was twelve mainly because my younger cousin
accepted Christ and there
was no way she was going to do something before I did. We were like sisters.
I moved in with that cousin and my Aunt and Uncle when I was almost 15 and
from all outer appearances I was the model youth kid. Sang in the youth and
adult choirs, editor of our youth newsletter, on the youth committee, on the
drama team, helped with the children in Team Kid, and on and on. But I had
many unresolved issues. My husband and I met when we were 16 and I
decided I liked him before we ever even spoke a word to each other. But,
things didn’t work out and life went on. When I was 18 those unresolved
issues manifested themselves in unhealthy relationships with guys and a life
that was anything but pure. Travis (now my husband) and I dated one summer
when I was 22 and broke up with me two weeks later. He was overwhelmed,
just starting seminary, working two jobs, and had just ended a relationship 6
months prior. I graciously let him off the hook and we remained friends but I
rebounded to another guy, then to another, because that’s what I did. Finally I
literally cried out to God one morning when I woke up. I asked for Him to hit me
upside the head with what he wanted me to do. After work that day I prayed in
my driveway before going into the house for God to give me an answer as to
the next step in my life. To make a long story shorter than it would be, I went
inside and there was a message from Travis on the answering machine
asking if he could talk to me. We talked and agreed that we could see a future
with each other. I broke up with the guy I was dating and Travis and I prayed
for two weeks without contact and God confirmed that we were to move ahead
in our relationship with the purpose of marriage. We were engaged five
months later and married 8 months after that. I never would have dreamed that
I’d end up where I am but thank the Lord that His ways are not my ways!
Question #2
Trust resonated the most with me. We have been in ministry for almost 5
years now and God has used these years to teach me many lessons
in how to trust in Him and also to trust that my husband would listen and be
obedient to God’s will. I made the mistake of trying to be my husband’s Holy
Spirit and we all know that there is only one Holy Spirit – and I am not it :) Now
I am in a place of trusting as I take care of three small children four and a half
and support my husband even though I may not be able to be at everything I
want to be. I’m trusting that God will use me and my gifts in a way that is still
pleasing and makes an impact on others.