He Tried Real Hard

After the book signing Saturday, Luke and I decided to stop by a discount furniture store for kicks.  We had no intention of buying anything so I really don’t know why we went other than we must not have felt wrangling 4 kids in LifeWay for 2 hours was torture enough for one day.  (Not really.  The kids were great if you don’t count Boy Three’s finding Inga (Tammy Schenke) and Anna Nicole’s (Nikki Murdock) cell numbers in my phone and texting them while they stood right in front of us after I’d told him to stop interrupting our talking.  He’s such a show out.  Gets it from his daddy.)

So we went in the furniture store and were met by an overzealous salesman.  I told the guy right off the bat we weren’t going to buy anything but he didn’t let that stop him from shadowing me all over the store.  Luke made the mistake of showing interest in a brown leather sectional.  The salesman, who I’ll call Bob, got really excited until I busted his bubble by saying I didn’t like the cushions because they weren’t sewn on.  There was another sofa right next to it with sewn cushions but I didn’t like it because it had white stitching.  Bob said, “No problem!  You can get one of those brown permanent markers and darken in the threads!” 

For real, Bob?  And when I tire of it should I just spray paint it to match my new decor?

I gently suggested that I had no intention of buying a sofa I would have to color when I got home.  The moment he turned around I threw Luke under the bus and ran to another section of the store to look at dining tables.

Just when I thought I’d lost Bob for good  and forever I heard, “Hey, Lisa!  What kind of table do you need?!” so close behind me I almost jumped out of my skin.  Though he won’t admit it, I’m guessing Luke pointed me out to him and told him I’d want help.  Sneaky, mischievous Preacher.

Me:  “Well, Bob, I’m not going to buy a table today but if I were, it would need to sit 8 and NOT have upholstered chairs.”

Bob:  “I have the perfect thing!  Follow me!”

I reluctantly followed him across the store where he proudly presented what was indeed a beautiful table – with upholstered chairs.

Me:  “This is pretty, but Bob, it has upholstered chairs.”

Bob:  “Now wait!  Just envision this table and the buffet without upholstered chairs.”

Me:  “Oh..Can you get it with wooden chairs?”

Bob:  “No.” 

Okay, so let me get this straight.  I’m supposed to “envision” that the upholstery doesn’t exist?  That I really don’t see the spaghetti smears all over the cream-colored brocade?   That the crusty barbecue sauce is a figment of my imagination?

Me:  “I’m just not seein’ it, Bob. Or better spoken, I do see it.  I see the fabric, Bob.”

Bob got desperate and proceeded to show me a black table that seated 4 and a corner table that looked like it belonged in a diner.  I finally had to get rough and tell him I didn’t see one single thing that interested me and that he may want to greet another customer who was in the buying mood. 

Or better yet, maybe he could just “envision” depositing the big fat commission check he earned from selling me a Sharpie-colored sofa and fabric-less dining table set.

Sale or no sale, Bob gets an “A” for effort.